LustingforNightmares

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2013-03-29 17:20:00 (UTC)

A Regular Kind Of Sad

March 29, 2013 Friday 6:20 PM

"Comes and Goes" by Greg Laswell


Ethan really does feel like my family when he's with us. His family doesn't treat him well, except for maybe his brother and other relatives that he doesn't come in close contact with year-round.

I get sad when he's sad.

I saw him cry for the first time yesterday.

Last May, he didn't cry, he gave me his jacket, when he crashed our car into a telephone poll. He didn't cry or anything when the police where grilling him and Caroline, because Caroline lied and said she was driving to save his ass from unforgiving parents. Unfortunately, they found out.

My parents love him, I'm sure. They at least like him. He still knocks when he comes to our house, for whatever reason.

His grandma had a heart attack yesterday, or actually I think several. I believe he said she died.

So he cried. it made me sad. A different kind of sad from depression sad. More like hollow, and wanting to fix it, but also not wanting to touch him. I don't really like touching people so much. But he's like a brother to me.

People give him a hard time, and don't appreciate his attitude. I think I'm just especially good at adjusting to people because a lot of people used to say my friend Elaina was annoying, but I never really found her to be that way.

I did abandon her, though.

I did that to....

*counts on fingers*

Um, maybe like three people in the last year. Possibly more.

A reason I'm a bad friend. I leave everyone behind. I say less and less to them until we just... don't have anything in common.

I guess it's a defense mechanism, and I always feel in danger.

Oh, and the depression thing didn't just *poof* or anything. It's still there. Stuck to my throat and my eyelids and my ears.

I'm in an empty house looking towards a week of vacation alone. This is where I always end up.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself, though. It's me that's backing myself into a corner, not anyone else. They've helped enough.


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