Last night was …one of those days.
I didn’t study, I couldn’t study. Mentally fatigued from all the hassle I am getting from my soon to be ex-wife about the modalities of her moving out with the kids. I have established that our medium of communication should be email as I am not prepared to go through another insult throwing session. I have since found out that the only way I can remain resolute and strong in what I am doing is if I avoid her completely. Seeing her makes my heart sad….walking past each other and not talking makes me so sad. Also I still love her so seeing her conflicts with what we are doing now. How can I be in conflict with someone I love? I can‘t dwell on that as she is ready to chew me and spit me out so I can’t be a prey. I have to be a hunter as well, this is so unfortunate, but that is what it is, it is what it is.
This morning I felt so weak, tired, down, and low with self-pity. I wanted to be hugged, to be kissed on my forehead, to be sleep in the comfort and safety of an embrace. I could feel the jaws circling around me, snapping at me. If they reach me they will devour me and chew my caucus. I have to fight this.
I truly believe this will be the making of me. A new agile me after she leaves with the children. I will be a good father but I will now be agile enough to achieve what is inside me. I truly believe so. I am going to spend the next few months listening to my inner self to find out what is inside me. I will no longer be content with just going to my work and studying. I will want to be successful, be an achiever an ultimately help people. That is where I am going and looks like He is clearing the way for me.