I write this about my friend. I have known her for a while but we only became close recently. Circumstances made us close. She had to move out of town with her family but before she left we went out in a group. On the night I got her number but with no intentions of calling her.
After she left town I thought I will not see or hear from her again for a while. We eventually got in touch by phone and I at the time I was in a dark place. I opened up to her and to my surprise she revealed an inner self very similar to mine…..
The first thing she did was not to judge me…she listened to me and all I had to say. She is a good listener. She did say that she understood what my wife was doing. She pointed me towards a particular marriage counselling program her husband and her attended while in town. This is when to my shock she revealed the troubles in her marriage.
I thought she was very happy in her marriage. She revealed the troubles they had in the past and how they are trying to rebuild their marriage in a new country. She was there for me and the more she listened to me the more I revealed my inner struggles and conflicting interests and turmoil. The more I revealed the more she listened and conversely opened up as well to me.
I found her fascinating, she reminded me of myself. It was like watching and listening to me although I can’t cook the way she does. She makes the best meal. I look forward to the day I can eat her food. She is full of life and wants so much from it but her marriage is about 10 paces behind her and falling further back every day that pass by. She genuinely wants her marriage to work and has made sacrifices towards that but I can see quite clearly she is under used. It is like buying a top of the range Laptop and only using it to draft letters on your office desk.
Inevitably I became drawn to her. I tried to understand my wife through her. May be I made the same mistake and underestimated my wife’s needs. Sadly she also showed me what I was missing in my marriage especially the passion. She is so passionate. Even in my current situation I started to dream about how life would be so good with her. I couldn’t believe myself….what was I doing….I struggled with my conscience and thankfully I came to my senses….I pushed her towards her husband and tried to encourage her…she is an enigma….I also realised that she was also struggling the same way I was…..I think she fell in love with me….not in a deep way but to the fantasy we create… the reality was that she was falling in love with what we talked about and how it would be wonderful to have that in her marriage….there was a time I think she lost the battle and just wanted to be with me….I was scared and more importantly felt so bad about the way I was affecting her marriage and sad that it was just all fantasy. She sensed all these and withdrew from me and never revealed that side of her again.
We have since remain good friends but with a big danger sign above our heads making sure we utilise our friendship better than being selfish. I nullified my selfish desires and have since worked towards making our friendship work in the right way. I am not sure but I think she is going through some internal conflict as she has withdrawn from me and hardly communicate with me anymore. She criticises my conflicts and flaws more often than usual. She was strong for me when I was very low and doubted myself. She gave me confidence and made me reconcile with myself.
I feel very close to her as I understand her and know how she feels and what makes her alive. She needs to find some way of firing these passions in her marriage, I truly hope she does. She can be also very strange and has odd moments and periods but she is a real woman and I like her to bits. I hope she finds happiness in her marriage.