The Anonymous Writer
The Journal With No Name
If you are ready for your life to change
To who ever that sent me a letter about Doctor Who,
Instead of pressing reply I accidentally pressed delete because I'm not very bright, but anyway thanks for the heads up! I've already seen EVERY episode of those, but don't be disappointed! I appreciate the message you sent, I always enjoy getting mail! I especially enjoy when people are trying to help lol. I'm just going to wait until March 30th for BBC to give America some of their precious gold. Ahh I can't wait!!
Today I have realized something. It is something of an epiphany I believe. Ever had one of those? You know, this realization that just hits you out of nowhere and you see life in a whole newer, clearer perspective? It makes you feel invincible for a second or two.... for me maybe like a whole lot longer because I'm just stubborn and like to believe that I'm God when I've got a swagger full of confidence. (Hey! I never said I was humble.) Anyway for me it was the fact that nobody really knew what went on in my head.
You see on the car ride home from tennis my dad was confused once again why I wasn't doing so well at tennis and he was blaming it on my lack of concentration and such. And I agreed. And he noticed that we've been repeating this for a while. And I told him we were because we are stuck in a rut for our whole lives and I get bored easily so I lose concentration, then... I kinda lost it there. I don't know what exactly set me off but I just raged on and on about what went on in my brain--er at least the half of it. I talked about school and the Shirley problem and tennis and my childhood and Doctor Who and me being able to manipulate and lie and me enjoying be alone and me enjoying the dark more than the sunshine and how I am unconfident of myself and I pretty much psychoanalyzed him. Needless to say he was stunned. He hugged me a few moments after we got out of the car and told me that he loved me. I think he's worried about me. I mean wouldn't you after your child starts telling you about their life story and half of it is totally unexpected? You didn't realize how much they thought about it. You didn't realize how much of the psychology of what they said is true. You didn't realize there were parts where you slacked off and that had affected you child so? He was just stunned. I mean it came from a 13-year-old girl, any parent would be taken back. Mine had actually asked me if I needed to see somebody about what goes on in my brain, so there's enough proof there that he thinks what I think on a daily basis is unnormal.
Readers, my epiphany is the fact that it's amazing how much you can live with somebody, let alone know somebody, and have them not even know the slightest bit of how your brain works. Your brain can be either your safe haven or the key to destruction of your life in which leads to depression. You can safely gather thoughts and reorganize them and reflect upon them without anybody listening on in. It's the only place where you can truly be yourself and not have anybody judge you for whatever you're thinking except for yourself. Your brain is the only place where you can truly be yourself. Now being yourself is up to what you want that to mean.
In my thoughts being me is a place filled with the scariest of thoughts. Thoughts that deal with death and demons and torture and rape and dark creepy crawly things. Mine is a place filled with the happiest of thoughts. Thoughts that deal with sunshine and 80s flowers and calming music and the teletubbies. Mine is a place filled with the most bizarre of thoughts. Thoughts that deal with purple trees and what if you could drain excess food out of your belly button to get skinny and why you don't get hair in the crevice of the back of your knee and the inside of your elbow. All of these thoughts come from one single mind; me.
If you are ready for your life to change, for the better or for the worse, you are able to start now. Really, I do honestly mean that. It only takes a matter of a few minutes for your whole perspective to change if you honestly put enough effort forth into it. All you have to do is use your brain. Think happy thoughts to be happy and a warm, bubbly person. Think depressing thoughts to be a depressing and a negative Nelly. Think whatever you want to think. Your mind is the limit. At least that's what I think I always hear about.
P.S. I think my dad got Jamie to call me. She just called me out of the blue to ask what's up about my life. Obviously I told her life was good. I'm not about to repeat my life story. The first time was just a "spurt of the moment." I mean yolo? Lol.
Whatever. As much as I love her, I hardly let go of what truly goes on in my noggin. There is just too much to say. How do you explain the workings of the universe and be precise so you don't bore the listener?
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