The Anonymous Writer

The Journal With No Name
2013-03-18 19:59:42 (UTC)

Stress Eater, yes I am!

Dear Journal,

Do you ever get so stressed that the only way to cope with it is to go back to your bad habits? It doesn't matter if you try with all your might to resist the urge to relapse... because it feels as if with all of the might of the world it would still not change what the outcome would be. You'll still go back to your bad habits just so you could no longer be stuck in that yucky, unbearable position that made you so stressed.

There's an unfortunate part to this equation however. You see by doing something harmful to yourself just so you could overcome something that's been bothering you, it doesn't mean that you will get better. In fact you just get worse. It doesn't matter what it is. You just will. Okay?

For me that's eating. It could be the healthiest of things and I'd overeat it. Usually however it's junkfood: Cookies, ice cream, bagels and cream cheese. (Notice bagels is plural.) Y'all motherfuckers may be cutting yourself or just not be eating at all which is horrible as well, but for me I gain weight and I honestly can't be lugging around anymore extra weight. I'm not as fit as I should be. Fuck the society image of being skinny. I'm really not about that, so don't even think I'm about that. I'm talking about the fact that if I gain anymore weight I'll be playing worse tennis because I won't be in that fit mode. The fact that I'd be disappointing my dad who loves me more than anybody else no matter how many times it may not feel like it. The fact that I'd be looked at differently by people and most importantly myself. I don't know. It's just, I don't care about people having some meat on their bones, but if you can help yourself from gaining an extravagant amount of weight than you should totally do it.

I just can't.

I'm probably contradicting myself here, but whatever. I just don't know what to do here. I'm just stressed. I'm not playing very good tennis and sometimes I think it's just pointless to press on. Also Shirley just won't stop being a bitch to me and my friends. I just want her gone!! Plus I just feel emotionless sometimes which can bother me only because my dad keeps bothering me about things. For example I won't care if I play bad tennis or if I get a bad grade or if somebody cuts me in line. It's just like whatever. I could even die at this moment and not care. Not like I'm making much of an impact on the world, right? I'm not impressing anybody... sure some people will care, but they'd get over it. I would if somebody did that to themselves that was close to me. I'd just brush it off within a week or two.

I just need Doctor Who. It needs to come on in the U.S. Is it? Ugh. I feel like everything would be better if I had a juicer, Doctor Who, and the summer. I could sort out my problems then.


As for now the binge eater champ is signing out.
Brooke Something