soullessmate123

Metamorphosis
2013-03-09 12:56:58 (UTC)

30 Day Self Harm Challenge

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SELF HARMING? WHY DID YOU START?

I started self harming a long time ago…, I think probably in grade six, which was about 5 years ago. My cousin — that I had just met at that time but instantly fell in love with — visited with my aunt over the March Break. She was amazing, in my opinion. I could relate to her so well, she was beautiful, she had gorgeous teeth and hair and eyes, I just loved her to death.

I asked her why she had so many cuts on her arms and legs. She looked at me and said, “I have a really violent cat back in Ontario.” And she smiled… (btw, this was before I moved to ON, wayyyy before)

Later I was in my room and she came in and spoke to me and Samantha. She told us the truth. ”I couldn’t just say it earlier, there were too many people around,” she added.

It seemed nice, actually. An escape, something you can control…

“When I cry, I cut,” she said. ”I always feel better.”

Honestly, I don’t remember the exact dialogue, but it’s pretty much what she said. If anything, she tried making it seem like a disease so I wouldn’t start, I don’t really know…

So, that night I tried it. I got into a fight with my parents and remembered what my cousin told me. So I cut. I went to school the next day with cuts on my arms and everybody saw them. I was sent to the guidance counsellor, who sent me home. My mom saw them and rolled up my sleeve.

“It’s pen,” she snickered,

Yeah.. pen…

And that’s how I started cutting, it never stopped.




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