Nihilist Cowboy

A Sick Man, A Spiteful Man, An Unattractive Man
2013-03-07 09:58:08 (UTC)

Not even 5 minutes?

I am now to the point where I do not believe a word that comes out of your mouth. I am your "best friend" but you cant even give me five minutes. You really still want to be with me but I cant even get five minutes of your really "busy" life. I get it and I really see how it is. You can keep going to his house daily (or nightly) you spend all your time with him but I cant even get FIVE MINUTES to talk on the phone with you. Just come clean.. You really don't love me. I will not take those words back until you PROVE ME WRONG. I doubt that will happen though, It will require work and sacrifice so I guess that's asking just too much. Asking for just five minutes of your time is just too much to ask. Il be honest, the marriage dreams are 100% gone. How can I be dreaming and wanting to spend the rest of my life with someone when all I can think about is how someone else is inside of you? I am really trying my damndest to give you the benefit of the doubt but I just cant.

At this point I believe my family and friends. I don't think I deserve this. I do not deserve to be madly in love with someone while she wont even give me five minutes of her time. I deserve someone who loves me unconditionally just like I love them. I deserve a woman who I can trust to go to a friends house and they not have sex. I deserve someone who cares enough about me to give me five minutes of her day. The crazy thing is that I have met friends online to. Some of them ive met in person, others I havnt. All of them have full time jobs except for one of them who goes to school full time and works part time. The crazy thing is that I have never had any of them ever say how they are "just too busy" to talk to me. The bad thing is that I feel like some of these girls care for me more than the one who I gave my life to. I havnt even met some of these girls, yet they can find a few minutes of their lives to text me. But I guess just asking for this is too much.

After all of this, I shouldn't even give you any time of day. I should just be "too busy" to. I should just move on and find someone I deserve. But as you know I am a very persistent and stubborn person. Even though all my friends and family say I am stupid for even talking to you, I feel like that the girl I fell in love with two years ago is still there. Shes still there but hiding deep inside. Mark my words... No other person would still be here after putting up with this. I finally mentally feel alone now.. Something I have figured out, I dont need you to be happy but I want you. I want those dreams to come true but by observing you the last few months I doubt its going to happen.

As ive said before, everything is in your control, I cant force you to love me or want to be with me. I cant force you to stop sleeping with him. I cant force you to want to marry me. If you want it itl happen. But you will have to be willing to put in the time. To be brutally honest, I feel like you always just back out when "the going gets tough" Every time you make a commitment, rather with school or a diet or anything you go strong a few weeks then fall off the wagon. Its your choice to either have me or lose me to someone who I feel is deserving. I know I have my problems and I know that I did things that were wrong, but I dont deserve this.

So I repeat myself again, if you really want this, itl happen, if you dont you dont. Just tell me if you dont so I wont keep "beating a dead mule" and try to win you back. I love you so much, if you call me in a few hours thatl be nice but if you dont oh well...


I love you

"Choose the right"




Ad: