"Obsessions" by Marina & The..
"Obsessions" by Marina & The Diamonds
The rest of the day will not be good. I'm super! super! super! angry!!! And I can't quite place why.
Maybe it's because I was supposed to have plans today, and now I don't and now I'm alone, alone with a pantry full of food but lacking apple sauce, my favorite food, I am alone in my room with no one to talk to, and I am super. super. super. angry.
Other than the anger, I feel really anxious because I honestly have NOTHING to do after I finish writing the entry, am I can't figure anything out and I know for sure that I really really really should be worrying about myself but I'm not
I'm tired of days like this, the kind I had every summer. they made a point to apologize for my loneliness but didn't do much to fix it!
Did I do something? Are you mad at me? Am I a bad person? Oh, I just laughed there. of course I;m a bad person, now what's the real reason you don't want to be around me? What did I do? Please, tell me. So I can turn it on you, make you the one guilty
and later I'll sit alone after you've apologized, I'll sit there and wonder why i feel so guilty but also not guilty.
Who's fault? It doesn't matter, I'll take the fall, I'll spread the disease and there is no where to run - no where to hide, no mind to get lost in it because apparently my brain ran away, I'm out of my mind!
I can't go outside, it's fucking cold, where would I go anyway? Where to cry? No drugs because I don't know the right people, not really, not anymore. Everything is falling to shit and it may or may not be my fault
but thats just too bad. Even if it was my fault, I wouldn't change for shit, I'd wallow in my own angst and kill myself.
I want to show you all, that if you were here, I would either stab you or cry. Depending on who you were.
i am now making this entry unnecisarelly wrong and making spelling/grammar/punctuation mistakes that I wouldn't have made a month ago. I was a bit obsessive ABOUT all that shit but now I don't care becaude why should i
i dont even really have a reason.
im very afraid to end this entry. What will I do?