The Anonymous Writer
The Journal With No Name
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One year later...
Not writing to you these past couples of days has felt like a year. So much has happened. It's a pity that I never got a chance to write to you as it happened. There has been every kind of emotion that has coasted through my heart. However I do remember pretty much everything. So therefore, I will be just oh-so-nice to share with you my life that I live.
Let's warm up before I just release the demise of Shirley's rep and talk about my tennis. You see, ever since I won in the 18s doubles I've been playing fantastic! (Or was it before that?) Honestly, I am now at the top tier. This one boy who I've been playing with the past 3 years has finally given me his number. He's a nice kid, but I think he just now saw how could I am. His dad is nice too. My dad and his dad go out to lunch every Sunday. The dad compliments me. Etc. Etc. Overall, I feel pretty good about myself tennis-wise. NO.... that's an understatement. I feel free. I feel indestructible. I feel like I now have an identity coexisting with this sport finally. I mean Nate, one of my coaches, told me he saw a girl that reminded him of me and that he find out she's ranked 200 in the world..... although he does later to say he doesn't want to put a number on me. (But let's get real here. That day he was paying a lot of attention towards me.)
As for school? It's getting a lot easier. I think that hardest part of school this quarter has ended. We are half way through this quarter--a little over 60% finished with school-- and I'm just so psyched to get into testing. Because when comes testing comes Summer peaking at the corner of your eye. As for the medical aspect? I haven't gotten around to my mom's medical books yet! I feel horrible about that... I think though that I will read these Pathologist books she gave me. They're a mystery, non fiction sort of a book. However she told me that all of the people who chose path loved this series... so therefore I should too if I really will like the job.
Now here goes my family.... we are doing the same old same old. Nothing too out of the ordinary. I love Jamie a lot more though. She just pisses me off a lot. My parents have finally come to an understanding that they need to split up so Jess and I can both fully function in our sports. I want a scholarship! I want to make it states! I want it so bad, I'll do anything to get there!
Okay, I know I'm changing subjects quickly, I just haven't been updating you lately. Sorry. Ummm.. so here goes my Friday!
For a week all of my friends and I have planned to go watch Safe Haven and go to Graffiti which is this really cool frozen yogurt place that you can write on the walls and hang out in booths and such. But then last minute my dad couldn't give us a ride due to poker, so everybody just slept over mine. (I do no include Shirley in this. God, don't even be dreaming of that happening.) And so when everybody came we had a jolly, good o'le time. The only problem was that Kayla's mom, who is a miserable psycho, didn't want us to be walking on sidewalks outside. (Don't ask why. I don't even understand what the problem with that was.) But let's just say we couldn't walk to the frozen yogurt place that's just under a mile away on sidewalks... and so we had to get a ride.
And we were already planning on the boys coming...
and so we called them..
and we got rides from them!
But it got so late, and we decided to walk to my house anyway... we didn't need them.
And this is where we get to the teenage-rebellion-against-parents-breaking-rules-and-agh-we-are-too-cool part.
We walked without getting a ride back to my house. In which is rebelling against what Kayla and my dad told us not to do. Then I invited the boys into my house while my parents were not home which is what my dad told me not to do. (The boys haven't seen my house! They always wanted to.. I just figured they should be able to see it at least once!) And then Saturday morning, I had told my dad that we got a ride. In which is lying. I also told him that two parents had to drive us because there was so many of us. In which is lying. I then continued saying that when they dropped us off, I felt guilty to have them drive us so I gave them a quick tour. Which is also a complete lie... kind of.
But he believed it.
And it's not like we did anything bad.
And it was the most unstressful, fun thing my friends and I have ever done in a long time.
And that is because of Shirley Feelyn. Without her being there everything seemed pure and fun and easy-going. And to be quite frank, none of the guys like her. Including the one boy who was heading over heels for her. I talked to him on that Friday night and he had told me that he's on my side now. (He claims it's because I slapped this one boy who was pissing me off. But that's a whole other story.) He says he doesn't really like her personality. And he knew she wasn't drunk when she kissed him. I guess he's realized that Shirley is just a manipulative slut. In which is fine by me!
But we haven't even gotten to the best part about Shirley Feelyn. I assure you that all I have to tell you will make your mouth curve up in the awkward, devil smile you can't help putting on.
And so the story goes like this: Ever since my last entry :Shirley's downfall, she has returned to her usual position, but then one day Esther's mind finally snapped into a realization. Esther doesn't need Shirley. Shirley is a bitch. Now I can't really remember how that happened or whatnot, but I can assure you Shirley did something to cause Esther's realization. And that just kind of caused a snowball effect with everybody. Or maybe... after her downfall everybody still didn't like her, but didn't know what to do with her. I'm pretty unclear with that part. But I do for sure know that we are so sick and tired of her, it's not even close to funny. After our Friday night we have realized that it was so much fun because she wasn't there and that she has honestly robbed us of a genuine middle school experience. We were being caught up with doing stuff that you should just not fucking do as a 13 or 14 year old person. Like goddamn the stuff Shirley and my friends have done in middle school! And so we have gotten so fed up with her, one girl had came up with an idea to just isolate her out. But I butted myself in and told everybody to remain friendly to her, and that we just have to wait it out until Summer break.
And then Shirley talk behind my back.
You see I was out at dinner with Jamie and her boyfriend and my parents when I get a text from one of my friends to check twitter. The way she had phrased her text... it just seemed off-putting. "Shirley is so hypocritical. Have you seen the tweet?" Usually if I read that I would text back saying to be nice to her and respect that that is her choice, but I don't know.. there was just some sort of aura that this was about to be about me or something. And so I went onto twitter. I had a notification. I clicked on it only to find a freshman boy tagging both Shirley and I into a picture. This picture was of an actual conversation between the boy and Shirley. He had captioning it with the word damn. It was as if he was expressing how psychotic the bitch is.
The conversation had went exactly like this:
S:She's a prude.
S:She'd never get with him if I'd like brought it up but have him text or you text her or something
The boy: cause that's weird
That boy: shes hot though, probably the best in your grade
S; Are you serious?
S; She smells like ass
That boy: Are you talking about Brooke Something?
I had checked on this tweet during dinner in the bathroom of the restaurant all alone. And so I had enough time to think about what my next move was, but I just found myself shaking with anger. Like, really? She would stoop this low? She didn't even say anything half true in that conversation. It was actually ridiculous! She has had consistant points in her life where she doesn't shower for a week or doesn't brush her teeth, she sometimes smells like somebody was experiencing diarrhea on their period.
Ugh. The hypocriticy of her conversation with that boy! So in rage I had tweeted back. I had said, "Lol.. at least I shower every day."
The boy had responded back saying that the conversation wasn't actually over. That picture wasn't even the whole thing, he claimed. And said that Shirley also continued on saying that I like to smell my own farts. Like what the actual fuck is going on here!?
I didn't respond however.
I just called the girl who told me. I told her I saw it and that I appreciated her telling me. She told me that Shirley is a bitch. And I told her that I wasn't going to say anything to Shirley until schooltime.
Then I texted Esther. I wanted to make sure I didn't actually smell! She's the girl who would flat out tell me. And she had said no. I mean I could have BO every once in a while, but so did everybody else. Otherwise everybody says I smell like starbursts. And she had asked why and so without keeping it as a secret since the tweet was so public, I had told her. In a single beat she had texted Shirley. She told her that she was a bitch and that she has officially lost all respect for her. Then she texted me saying that I better slap that fucking bitch.
And then Shirley texted me. She tried to play it off. She said that it was only a joke. She said that it was not the right thing and that she didn't really mean it. WHAT A FUCKUP. She can't even admit her petty words to be true. That really pissed me off. And so I had texted her we would talk about it at school. I had returned to dinner then.
Then dinner was over and I had returned to my room after a couple games of pool with Jamie, her boyfriend, and my dad. I texted my two best friends in the whole wide world to update them on my life, because that's just the thing we do. We don't live in the same state anymore, so I just had to tell her, right?
And she had asked for her number. And I had said no.
And then Lauren had texted me to look at twitter. And so I said I would, but to be honest I winced for a split second. I guess it was just because... well... the last time I did...
But it was splendid! It made me so emotional, I almost felt like I was going to tear up! My homegirls tweeted that I smell like flowers and that Shirley is a bitch. It was probably one of the nicest things to do at that point of time. I don't know. I thought it was sweet.
And so that is my update one year later... lol.
Tomorrow we will have school. I will talk to Shirley. Everybody will know what has happened. And I will keep you updated.
Most importantly, I will put on a gallon of perfume before I reach to school. I will slap on deoderant or however the fuck you spell it seven times over. I will brush my teeth until my gums begin to bleed. I will smell so good, I'm going to turn into a fucking flower. And then I will simply tell Shirley that she's a piece of shit.
Okay. Maybe I'll just tell her to fuck off.
P.S. I forgot to add that the boy that loved me and that I had loved DMed me. He asked me if I was okay and I said I was fine. I thought that was worth adding...
P.S.S. And for all of you worried that Shirley will return back to my group, don't worry child! That girl is too fucked up... I don't think she will ever find friends in middle school. As for high school? She may, but she is going to have some harsh reality when she attends East next year.
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