angelcache

aspirations of a brokenheart
2013-02-16 10:11:35 (UTC)

Loneliness

There have been many a times that i've been alone with no one to call my own in these last nine years...
And yet it still bothers mi to be lonely...
I just cant seem to manage a relationship with anyone something always goes wrong..
And yet i hate being alone well not alone but unattached to someone who will drop anything and get on the phone with me or will put their schedule aside and spend time with me...
Sure i have friends but theyre just that and most of them are my exes...
I finally found Mike but that went horribly wrong by me turning crazy and texting more than human needed...
With finding him and losing him for good i had to let go of a yearning and desire that i held alive for years..
And that hurts i got real depressed the day he told me to no longer contact him and slowly ive been getting used to a life where there is no possibility of loving him...
And you know with the fact of me not wanting to have more children it really makes it hard to find a match for me because most guys i meet don't have kids but will want some in the future and im just not feeling that...
Then of course theres the freak in me that wants someone whos big and good in bed...
Cause Lord knows ill find a reason to end it over that simple thing...
I know my family and friends all tell me the same thing to just wait patiently and God will send me someone when its the right time and they will be all that i wanted...
And i know theyre right the thing though is that i still look because my life just isnt busy enough to keep my mind off of looking and imagining....




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