☣PYROMANIAC☣

✖✖Playing With Matches✖✖
2013-02-16 02:16:54 (UTC)

Dear Karl

Words are like Knives.
I felt my face smile.. and then suddenly.. when I read the sentence
my smile evaporated and the sharp edge of the tiny daggers
drove themselves into my heart.

My first instinct is to run. Leave. Get away.
Maybe.. that's what I really need to do.

Yesterday was one of the worst days of my life..
I was just so angry.. and hurt and confused.. It ached inside of me.
I thought I was going to be okay today.. but the wound just reopened..

Dear Karl,

The words.. aren't forming in my head.
We've grown apart. We've drifted. No longer as close. Everything about our friendship now, seems forced. I never wanted any of this to happen. I never wanted to lose you in the way I have.. nor in the way I fear I'm about to. I thought I knew what I wanted.. but I guess I didn't. I'm clingy.. because I can't stand to be alone. I'm sensitive.. because I don't know the possibilities behind every little thing.

You're all I ever wanted in a man.
but it seems now, that it's too painful to be with you even in this way.
I'm sorry baby.. but I can't deal with this anymore.
I'm telling you goodbye.. but not forever. I need time away from you..
It's grown increasingly hard to remain by your side..

You and I both know.. that you're much better without me.
You don't need me in your life.. You deserve much better.
I feel like.. all I do is drag you down.

Please.. I don't want you to be upset.. I just want you to be happy.
We just don't understand each other anymore.
I care about you so much. Too much. So much that it's eating me alive in every nerve that I can now feel.
I never wanted to leave you.. I'm crying hard while I type this..
Be angry.. Be hurt.. Be relieved that I'm leaving for awhile.. but please.. don't hate me.

I just can't take it anymore.

I'm at a place where I feel so out of place. I don't feel right anymore.
I will miss you excruciatingly.. but I hope I'm making the right decision. For you, and for myself. I wish I had the words to explain all that I feel.. I wish you could see or feel how I feel so you could understand it better. Is it cowardly that I'm doing this? I wonder.. what you'll feel after you read this..

I need to think. I just want to be alone right now. I need to remember how to breathe without you in my life.
It hurts so much... Baby.. Dark Knight.. Karl.. sweetheart.. I'm battling with myself to just erase this..
You are my world.. My sunshine.. but it looks like.. I need a cloud or two right now.

Read my new entries as I write.. please honey.

"Where ever you go, go with all your heart."
Your White Knight.. will be back if you want her too that is.

~LoveStruck</3




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