LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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Ezoic
2013-02-08 20:47:11 (UTC)

Fucking Memories

February 8, 2013 8:48 PM Friday

"Let The River In" by Radical Face

I was playing temple run because I was bored, and suddenly, I was flooded with all these thoughts of Marina.

Also followed by, "Why am I suck a bitch?" "Why am I so awkward?" "Why can't I be interesting?"

Lol, angsty little comments like that, but I'm used to them.

What is really bothering me is all this history between us. I'm not kidding when I say I can write a book about our friendship, haha. It would start with Aaron introducing us, pause for awhile, cut to her getting me a glass of water when she lived down the street and i was crying while walking home.

I mean, she gave me something I always wanted; A trusted best friend who lived down the street. My sister had it, and I wanted it. For awhile, I had it.

I know I drove her away. I never went outside, never wanted to do anything, I was really confused as to whether I should like her or hate her, I didn't like her when she wasn't there, but I trusted her with my life when she was.

I remember once she showed up at my house with an apology letter for something I was mad at her for and I was so satisfied looking at her sad face. Ugh. Everything I was, everything I am... disgusts me.

I burned the letter she gave me that day but I wish I didn't. I love reading old letters, even if they're not that old. It even had tear stains on it. And I burned it. I really love burning things, but still.

All these memories arrived when I thought about something she said to me the other day; Marina turned to me in eighth period in the computer lab and apologized for stealing Lily from me during the summer. WHAT.

Over the summer, i was really jealous they hung out all the time but not in the kind of way where I wanted them to stop, i just wanted to be with them. So I wasn't alone anymore.

Anyhow, I said no biggie and I wondered if she could read my mind or something because sometimes I think about that.

It's a wonder how sensitively insensitive she is. I guess it just depends.

I do remember something now that i think about it... Hold on. New Years Eve was a weird night, but I used her laptop and I think i told her she could read my diary. Knowing me, I probably did. I don't think she did, but I wouldn't care otherwise.

Sorry if you read all this - I must have bored you to death. This is why I don't make so many entries anymore. I have nothing worthwhile to say.


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