The Anonymous Writer

The Journal With No Name
2013-02-08 20:15:44 (UTC)

Oh god

Dear Journal,

You are going to think I'm crazy for posting twice within a couple of minutes. I don't care. This is just something I have to add. My friends think I'm depressed. I can tell because we are going through a unit in health class and they see that I follow all or most of the warning signs.

Some of my friends are treating me nicer than usual. They are texting me saying they are there for me. Or they try to hang out with me. Esther sent me a letter.

The letter? I don't know what it says, but I know it has to deal with this whole thing. I wished I had it right now... I want to read what it says. I'm just curious. Damn. If only I wasn't late playing tennis with Aidan. (Esther gave the letter to Aidan to give to me. She knew I was going to play with him today and she also knew she had to give me my blue sweatshirt.)

OKay. I'm not depressed. I'm just really, really not happy with myself. I think that there's not much worth living for. I'm pretty average. There is nothing out of the ordinary about me. But that doesn't mean I'm going to take my life. My family loves me too much, and that'd be too devastating for people. I'd be looked at as if I just simply gave up. But I don't. I'm just fed up, and realize that there is no point because I'm not going to strive to be out of the box. I just can't concentrate on doing that. I can only concentrate on eating.

Ps My whole diet thing is crushed. Believe me, I've gained at least 5 pounds these past 2 or 3 days.

Okay so maybe I lose track of time. Maybe I don't want to to hang with people. Maybe a lot of things are swirling through my head. But I know I'm going to be happy again. This has been happening too much since I've moved here.

I get super happy and excited for things in life.
Then I get super angry and irritated with everybody even the slightest noise.
And after that, I get sad and emotional and maybe even thinking about suicide.
But it all just cycles.
And I may not make sense.
But who cares? Ugh. Whatever. Ugh..... I feel so gross. This is awful.

Signing out,
Brooke Something

P.S. Just don't read this journal anymore. It's pointless. Seriously. I'm annoying myself. I can't even imagine how pissed you must be at me Journal. Er, readers.

What the fuck. ugh. I just need to calm down... I think I'm just going to eat.

BYE>




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