Sarah

One day at a time
2013-02-05 13:37:59 (UTC)

...he cried tonight

I'm not really sure when the last time I wrote in here was, but it feels like eons ago!! Regardless, here I am. It feels like I've been to hell and back a few times, and not much has changed. Life always seems stressful anymore these days. Everything is a hurdle. I'm still fighting to stay on top.. One of these days ;) anyway, Kevin & I are still together. I'm still crazy and in love. It's now been 16 months into our relationship. We've had our ups and downs and managed to work through our differences quite nicely. There is total love, trust, and respect for each other. (Which is new to me given my past experience) On April 5, 2012 he broke his back and was in the hospital for about a month and a half. That was a SUPER difficult time in our lives, but we made it through. I'm not sure how, but God willing we did it. I was working 3-13 hour shifts a week, so I could spend 4 days a week with him in ICU. He was then discharged into my care. He required multiple rehab appointments and assistance to walk. I'm happy to report that he is walking!! In fact, he was walking (assisted) in ICU. Currently, he is paralyzed from the knee down on one leg. Not too shabby considering what the Dr. told me. He has suffered a huge blow to himself physcially and psychologically.. I signed his ass up for therapy right away. Although he hates it, he still does it for me. And as much as he'd fight to admit it, it is helping. At one time, he seemed like he was suicidal. Poor guy can't catch a break either. Through it all, we've managed to hang on and persavere. We're a good team, we're both head strong with a great deal of intellect and ideas. ;) His wreck was a devastating injury, but it brought us closer. We've been through so much already! The point is, I still am madly in love with this man. Tonight, he cried to me. (a side note; he's a manly man, not a guy that expresses his difficult emotions very often) I know that he's been really devastated with the way his girls are living, last night Damon said something that did truly hurt him. He said "he's not my dad" I told Damon that he wasn't trying to be, he was just being an adult looking after a child. I also explained to him that when Kevin says or does something, he's not trying to take anyone's place, he's just filling in the gaps when his bio dad wasn't around. Like I do for the girls. Ie; hairdo's and outfits. It was a good talk, I assured him that his anger was misplaced and needed to be directed at Ryan. He agreed that he was just hurt by Ryan. I know he so desperately wants to be a part of his life, but what am I supposed to do if he doesn't even acknowledge him? Not even a hello. I hurt for my son, like any mother would, but I'm helpless in that. The only thing left for me to do, is hold him, be a mommy. bastard. Anyway, tonight Kevin came home and we got attitudes wtih each other and I finally asked, what was going on. And he subtly cried as he told me his feelings on the impact Damon's statement had on him, he also realizes that he has every reason to be upset and stand offish. After all, he is the kid hurting. Nevertheless; it hurt Kevin as well. We talked it out, hope that helped to ease the pain. I love these guys so much. I just want to make everybody happy. That's just who I am. . .




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