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What know? Help! :/
Last year I did somethings that I am not proud of, things that I can never change. I have come to realize that things will never be the same because of what I have done. So what did I do.....?
I had a boyfriend that I had been with for two years and some.... We were having problems that I couldn't take anymore and really didn't like having or even being around. I had this friend (guy) that I grew up around and had liked forever when I was younger. He had been through everything you could imagine almost. He moved away for awhile and that's when my new boyfriend came into the picture.... When he came back, I was having trouble. I had no where to turn, then he talked to me and we talked everyday. So I left the boyfriend for him but I done the wrong and I guess you'd call it cheating but I didn't want it to be that way. He was my safety net you could say. But I left anyway...
After school had let out that year and I was with the other guy it was good but it all went down hill. He was clean at first and then he got up with a bad crowd and took him with me. At the time I didn't see the problem in having a little fun but after all it was bad. I loved him more than I could imagine and still today it is hard to think of him. When we were together we had all these plans but we also cared about each other more than I thought could be but was it all my imagination?? Was it me? Me paying for his everything?
I wanted more than I think he planned even thought he said everything I wanted to hear. I had a car, money, and freedom. Was I wanting more than him? I need to find out to ease my hurt! I have recently gotten back to the ex when he left and since then have been with him but still miss him more and more but I'm afraid of never finding out how he REALLY felt??? I just want to know if it was my imagination or the truth????? What is the next step? Stay with the ex that I still have problems with or go after something else that I don't think was real it was me loving someone who used me?