icedoj

Yo I don't even know..
2013-02-02 02:12:44 (UTC)

shit shit shit.

what the fuck is wrong with me right now?
I hate everything. i dont feel like living anymore & i really HATE thinking this way. I hate being alone. This kind of loneliness leads to bad things & i know it. I could start cutting any time soon. suicidal thoughts could possibly be next. i want to stop & i try so hard. BE FUCKING FABULOUS. DONT LET ANYTHING GET TO YOU. but they DO and it HURTS hiding all these feels man.

Today, was just not good. After school mainly. My sister is probably in Juvi right now & probably gonna be there for a couple months. what the fuck am i gonna do without her. Ill be bored as fuck & have NO ONE to talk to at home. ill feel like i do here at my dads. I already miss my brothers, & now my sister? This is too much. But that's her punishment for acting up in school for so long.

Today i almost cried like 10 times. I hate holding it back it hurts inside my throat.

My dad wants me to go to the movies with them but truth is... I dont want to go.
1. People. every fucking where. from school especially i hate that this town is so fucking small. it's ignorant.
2. I just want to stay home & i need to let my cries out. i've been waiting tooooo long.
and i actually want to go, but this fuckin depression shit is just too much right now.
However it might calm down after i get all this out..

I dont know what the fuck to do with my life anymore. It's the same fucking routine OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER again.
Same shit, different day.
It's annoying & it needs to change soon.
I need to make friends. i need to fucking socialize with people. but im just sooooo insecure & awkward it's not even possible. :c
fuck my life 2 times. this fucking sucks. everything sucks.

Im single forever literally. I havent had a boyfriend in like a year. And my longest relationship was like 2 fuck ass days. -.-
Sucks to be me right? YES.
The girl who sucked on her own bloody tampon even has a bf & im sitting here being a loner for the rest of my high school life.
Even my fucking 12 year old cousin has a bf.Who the helll???
And she is fake, dirty, smelly, liar, annoying, wanna-be, just fake in general. she lives to please people. She copies me all the time. it's annoying as fuck. i hate everything right now i sweaaaar.

I just wanna fall asleep for a reallly long time. shit, i should go into a coma. that would do me some good. I could skip all this bullshit.

I guess thats it though. mainly all the stuff i needed to get off my fucking mind.

bye.




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