LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2013-01-27 13:11:35 (UTC)

Real

"Anti-D" by The Wombats (I think I already posted this song on another entry, but oh well)


I mustn't take the time to question myself - everything that was supposed to be real is not. It's not. The only things that exist are what I want to exist, okay?


So.... None of this happened.

I have never cut in my life.

I have felt sad sometimes, but never to an extreme.

I have never taken pills, I do not believe they are good for you.

I have had alcohol, but not for self-destruction, but because I like being rebellious. "Rebellious"

I have smoked, but for the same reason as alcohol. It feels good.

I have never really broken down.

I lie about these things to make you scared.

Do you understand? Lies, lies, lies, truth.


Everything I wanted to be true... Became the truth. So I will do that now. Everything I want... Will be.


I've lied about my life. My thoughts. Everything, because I love writing, I love pretending, I love fantasy.

I am not depressed, a self-harmer, and I am not lonely, because I am surrounded by people who love me....

Alright....

This is what's real. I feel trapped in between minds, but this is what's true...

I am vaguely sad right now.....


They left me. The two of them left me, and I don't know where they are right now. Their names are resonating in my head.

They'll be back. They will. For now, I will pretend to be normal, pretend that this is the life I have lived for thirteen years.

I"ll pretend I've never seen the stars the way I have.

What is reality? Perception... And I am translating this, controlling it, seceding into myself.

Just wait, Veronica. They'll be back to take you away, soon... You'll be fine.


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