LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2013-01-21 23:33:40 (UTC)

Test


The last entry was a test... To see if Lily reads my diary, because I know she used to but I don't know anymore.

i don't really care.

i don't really know if I want to know because that might make me care.

I'm not allowed to care.

Its funny how one second I can be in the best mood ever, dancing, dressing up, smiling, eating normally. and then for no reason... I become like a shell of myself.

No reason.

The sadness is ever-present, but mild. Sometimes it spikes into extreme happiness or dips into extreme depression... sometimes one and then immediately the other.

It's a steep drop.


Anyhow. After I posted the last entry, she became distant and that might just be because shes writing her essay but it could also be because she read my entry and realized that Other Leah/ Jujubes/ best dude ever was actually too good to be true and not-real anyhow, so she started answering with like two words.

Before I posted that, she was super-excited and curious and texting me saying, "OMG I LOVE THIS DUDE WHAT"


Suspicious but true.

Hmm.

WHy do I not feel guilty for lying and pretending I am a cool male?
Because it gave her some happiness for a little bit.

Not hope.

But a bit of happiness.

It was weird.. While typing, I felt like two completely different people.

It was pretty awesome. and convincing, too.

Alright bye, sorry for all my grammatical errors.


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