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2013-01-21 05:02:10 (UTC)


So if you do not read my diary daily then here is what you need to know
I Met a guy named Camden when I first met him I knew he was trouble and I knew he was a player but the urge was too strong. Even though I was not allowed to date him I did it anyway and a week later je dumped me for a girl named Natalie. Then a month later my parents found out and they grounded me for a month from everything I had. But yet I still loved hom. I helped hom thrOugh a hard situation with a girl that dumPed him and I tried to help him find a new girlfriend and it was so hard but we became closer and close and one day he told me he had found the girl and I asked who and he said you and I laughed and we went on from their slOwly step by step one day he told me that the biggest mistake of his life was dumping me. I fell for him and my feelings grew stronger and at first he looked at me as he did all the other girls and I knew he was playing me but one day I looked at him and I said I missed you yesterday and he said I missed you too but he had this look in his eyes it wasn't the look he gave all the other girls it wasn't his lying look it was his I love you look. Then a week or two later he looked at me and said I love you and I was scared nervous and in love and so I said I LOVE you too and that was the moment I Truely fell in love with him. So we held hands and hugged. But then kyley. Came along and changed everything there was no more me it was just kyley kyley kyley and we grew apart but then one day we were texting and me said I am a great kisser and I said I am a perfect kisser and he said well I will have to see that for myself. I was so happy , but scared of the pain that might occur if it doesn't work out. So we planned it but I kept pushing it back as we got closer with each other he got closer to kyley and so I had to make him jealous so I used his best friend nd Trent and I actually started to really like him and Trent was just like Camden but then camden got jealous and him and Trent began to fight over me and so they would use what I told them against each other and Camden told Trent that I was gOing to kiss him and so Trent said that he wanted to kiss me and by that time I was hugging holding hands with and planning to kiss both of then and that is when I realized that I was stupid and I couldn't have both of them so I told them that it wasn't okay for me to come I between their friendship so I tried to make a descion but I couldnt. One day I was texting and my dad took my phone and he read all of the texts from Camden and my life was over. I was grounded from everything I had to be walked to school everyday I had to be walked home everyday and I had to be in my dads eyes at all times I didn't have my phone for 6 months. So I finnaly got off the in my dads eyes all the time so I would sit up in my room. I hated my life so I turned to the scissors and began to cut myself and so I had to wear long sleave shirts and after 3 days camden caught on and asked me and helped me through it and then my dad told me that he knew I was hanging out with him during school and he said it will end so I did what he told me then I began to cut again and it got bad really bad and after 5 days Camden told me to stop and I didn't and so he sat next to me one day and pulled up my sleeve and looked at me and he said why? I started to cry so then he hugged me until I stopped crying and I then my parents found out that I was cutting my self and so they talked to me but it didn't help I couldn't be without him he was my life so I hung out with him and my dad s let it slide. But it wasn't the same it was harder to get to the way it used to be so I kept cutting and Camden would always hug me and tell me that he was there and be there for me and it was better than before he was better. So we were best friends we were lOvers we were undividable then on the last day of school he kissed me on the cheek. But then summer came and I didn't see him and one day he texted me through my email and he told me he didn't love me anymore and that he didn't want to be with me. I read it and I felt dead I ran into the bathroom and sat down and cried cried and cried for hours. For the next month I sat on my bed and starred at my knees and I would acationaly cry. When I got my phone back my dad convinced me to text him and say Foxtrot uniform alpha hotel which means fuck u ass hole even though it made my dad happy I was not happy. His dad texted back and told me to never do that again. My dad wanted to raise hell but I tOld him no. The. The next school year came around and he asked me if I was still mad at him and I said no and he kept texting me but I never did text back to make my dad happy but I was so in love with home and he still has no idea. I am going to grow balls ask my dad to text him and he will hopefully say yes then I will text him and we will grow closer again and we will finnaly kiss and seal our bond. But yet to this day I miss him and I miss Trent and love them both and now u know and I know who I love more. I have made my descion actually shit I just thought about it and I don't know.