Street_smart

Experienced Life
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2013-01-20 21:12:42 (UTC)

Picking Up The Pieces

Well, I've been here before. Same scenario so I know what I need to do.
Kids are gone to Nevada. First thing I had to do was remove anything that reminded me of them. Not to be mean or anything. It just helps me keep from going insane so not seeing anything that reminds me of them helps me cope better.

I boxed up a bunch of the kiddo's toys, clothes, and misc they didn't have time to take with them or didn't want anymore. I gave those to a friend. I also emptied out the shelves full of kid's books and gave those away too. I cleaned up a little. Moved what little furniture was left behind to make my home look somewhat like a home.

Everything I did hurt a little. Throwing away things like the nerf bullets on the floor, little stuffed animals, kiddos trinkets, etc. All hurt just a little as I threw it away in the garbage. I guess it's because I know this is it. This is my goodbye to them.

I take a break and look around. Everything is slowly starting to look cleaner a little at a time. I also see the four walls again. Different color from the last place I lived but still pretty much the same four walls. I stare at them and wonder wtf happened again? How did I end up here again? It's the same familiar scene. It's been a year and I'm still at the same exact place I am in life.

Well, this might be enough to inspire me to work out again. I'm so overweight by at least 35 pounds. Sigh.... The thing is my right leg is messed up. I lost mobility on it. From my ankle, knee, hip, it's fucked. So running will not be easy for me again but I think I'll give it a try.

Work is busy and there's so many new things I have to learn so maybe I'll put in some extra time and effort there too. I know I have to keep going and I have no idea what to do now. I don't know what my goals are. Just winging it for now.

Hopefully the kids aren't too confused and hurt. I wouldn't want them to go through too much pain with this life adjustment. I just shake my head when I think about how the ex is so selfish and has no idea what she's done.

Oh yeah, I asked another lady out. Yep, she's hot and yep, she shot me down. More friend zone material I guess. I figure since shit is happening anyway, may as well go down in flames. Well, I did. lol

Well, off to cleaning the house some more and staring at the walls some more too.


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