LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2013-01-18 19:36:18 (UTC)

Once Upon A Time


7:36 PM


"Anti-D" by The Wombats


[You may want to just not read this, since these are just memories of me being happy]


LIFE AS I KNEW IT


In my memories, everything had a certain golden glow. It's like my past was this endless golden age of life.

Here are a few key memories.

Me, running through my backyard, which seemed endless back then. I thought I had an entire world that could never be beat. My back yard is pretty big, but not the largest. I couldn't have been more than three feet tall back then, so I had no idea. I remember in the summers and springs, my dad would always forget to mow the lawn and it would be long and wild.

Me and my ever-present neighbor (who is currently sixteen), who is named Nora, would come over, boss me around, and we'd pretend we were gatherers, gathering wheat. It was really just wheat with the occasional tulip, and my mother always knew when we "accidently" stole her flowers because our bay window in our kitchen overlooks the whole backyard, which slopes downwards.

Caroline was younger back then and all her friends would come over and we'd all play together in the backyard.

I forgot to mention that sometimes, we'd walk around the block. When people got bored of hoarding their shit, they'd leave it at the side of the road, and whatever we liked, we took.

A lot of that shit was cooking stuff, like frying pans and silverware and the occasional plastic chair.

We often pretended to be a restaurant, taking turns pretending to be the customers.

NORA: -in loud voice- "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO ORDER" she had a piece of slate and a smaller rock to use as a notepad. -whispers- "order the chocolate pie"

ME: "CHOCOLATE PIE PLEASE"

Caroline: -mixed mud, puts it in pan, decorates it real pretty with different flowers and leaves-

Mom would usually come outside daily to reprimand us for picking her flowers.

Later she would swear in spanish and then tell us Nora was such a bad influence. It was only because Nora made me cry a lot, but I was a little brat, so of course she did.

Then again, Nora was a bossy pants.

~~~~~~


As years went by, our time spent together became less and less. The summers became shorter. Time spent inside, growing into adults. Everything went faster.

No longer were we suspended in perpetual perfection.

This is the real world.

Nothing lasts forever.


~~~~~~

Caroline was the first to grow up. She made new friends, became sadder... The things I did became immature and not cool. Still, she's the best sister ever. She's my best friend.

Then came Nora. Nora lost all the innocence she had left in her new private school. In a sense, my mom was right. Nora was a bad influence. She told me about different kinds of sex when I was eight.

She would always tease me for having a crush on the boy around the corner, Lucas, when I never did. I was just awkward around boys.

Yeah, Nora does make me cry. And Nora is not the best influence. To tell you the truth, the only reason we're friends is because she's my neighbor. She's very judgemental and hates half my friends.

She's not very nice to me. I barely ever see her anymore. I don't know why. I see lucas all the time. He's usually at my other neighbor's house, Talia. Nora is hidden away constantly.

Almost like she doesn't exist.

~~~~~~~


And then came me.

You wouldn't know it was me if you went back in time. At least, not by comparing our thoughts.

Back then, I thought very shallowly about myself and mechanical things, like school. I was in love, though, with life, which is different.

I used to bike around and wear tank tops and shorts without thinking about how fat I was. I had more friends in the neighborhood. I never thought about going home to spend my time on the internet. I went outside, I swam in the creek and made new friends in the park.

Twelve years old and actually very happy.

Yeah, that was me.

Something else. I had three things in my life that defined... me. I had art. I was always known as the artist of my grade. Is that weird or what? I'm not even that good at art. I just like doing it.

I felt challenged when Marina turned out to be awesome, too.

But I kept that inside, because I didn't want to be stupid.

Another thing. Soccer. I played soccer twice a year, the fall season and the spring season. It always stomped around my self-esteem so who knows why I loved it so much, but I kept going back.

I was a very determined person, see. Once, I did make a friend at soccer, but she stopped talking to me after she would out I was a year younger than her. Fucking sucks to suck.

And finally, piano.

Piano.

I really miss piano.


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