2013-01-11 05:25:55 (UTC)


My Dearest Jeremy, I need to write you this explanation of why I have to leave. It has become clear to me that our relationship has not been a fulfilling one. I have known great frustration with my inability to express how I feel towards you. But I want to show just what you mean to me and inside this box is a token of myself and my dedication to you I have opened myself up to you. The pain of my vulnerability is miniscule compared to continuing my existence without you. The idea of you belonging to me fills a hollow place deep in my soul. A place I thought could not be satisfied. I am being devoured by a darkness your light smile sweeps away. You bring me hope and have shown me what life could be. Let me start our future with the truth. I know I am not a nice person. I have done terrible things and must I confess, I have been unfaithful to you. But never has it been in a sexual way. Never have I broken the vow I made for you. The men and women I have been with have been able to share part of me that I simply cannot show to you. I was afraid of what would become of us if I opened myself without reserve to you. The others have seen inside me as I saw inside them. They have all gone now and every time they leave the darkness grows, only you can help me hold it down. Someone once asked me, what do I want. The question shocked me. She caught me unprepared and I could not answer. The words escaped me. But now I have them back. I want to understand the world and how people are able to touch each other in a way that I am unable. I think I now understand. Let me tell you about my friends. Every one of them has become very special to me. Special in a way that I want to be for you. Every one of them has opened up for me and shown me the reason for their life, of what they want from other people. For some it was freedom or family, others just money. One said something that brought the missing piece of the puzzle to light. It was then I realized that I wanted you in my arms but not yet I didn't feel ready. I wanted you to know me, accept me, to love me. The others saw me in a way I have been afraid to show you. They taught me life can be worth sacrificing part of yourself for someone else. This is what has eluded me all these years. This is the answer that cost them so much. Now I am truly free to come to you, to give part of myself to you with no compromise. My love in this package as they won't understand the bonds that joins us together. Alone just you and I. Away from the world. But before I could come to you as a complete woman, I needed to know what love is. Many had to leave before I found the answer. Before I found the strength to sacrifice part of me to give you. Inside this inadequate box is my offering to you. To our future together. I have opened myself up and given you my heart.

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