As much as I am happy for this new beginning I do not want another one. I am determined more than ever to have this new beginning be the one that leads to my happy ending.
My Master means the world to me and I have caused so much hurt and damage within our relationship. I am taking responsibility for myself, fixing myself and keeping my eyes on what is true and in my heart.
He is in my heart, my soul every breath I take. I am not looking back, except to remind myself of how not to behave. He is my world. Has been for over 2 years and all I can say is things will improve. We will get back to what we had but better than ever.
I accept that fixing things fall on my shoulders, I didn't realize this until yesterday. I was adamant that he do this, he do that. That he show me and than i will show him. He said yesterday that maybe he would be more apt to show me when he saw that I was not bouncing all over the place. I let that sink in and accepted that.
I need to do what I need to do to fix this and trust..(god that word scares me) but trust that he will be receptive of it and trust that he knows what I need and will give when he thinks is the right time..
As for the trust word, yeah that is a tough one..I was wrong to think he has to prove to me I can trust him. If in my heart I do not trust him I will doubt even the proof he offers up. So in order to heal us both i am putting my trust and faith back into him. After all that has happened why would he care and why would he still be here if he didn't want this as much as me?
I know what is expected of me. I will do those things and even more to keep us on the right path. When he doesn't necesarrily respond to my actions I will tell myself that it is fine, I am doing this for him, not for me to hear thank you and praises. He is my master I do for him for his pleasure, for my pleasure not for his response. When he does praise me I will feel overjoyed and begin to feel those bonds tightening as they once were...
I love him with all my heart...I will be the slave to give him his dream life...