TheUnknownPage

TheUnknown
2013-01-10 02:15:58 (UTC)

betrayal

umm how to start. i hooked up with this guy yesterday. i have a boyfriend we've been together over a year. but wasn't the first i cheated on him, :(. well this guy that i hooked up with, my cousin, who i am really close to told me not to get to close with him because she likes him a lot. i told her i would just chill with him nothing more because i don't want to hurt her. i stopped having sexual convos with him after she told me that it made her uncomfortable. but yesterday i was home alone he was home alone, so we just decided to link up at the park. i wore a skirt, sigh wasn't a good decision. at the park he was flirting with me. we moved from the park to the parking lot a sovereign. we in the car and he got way touchy, i tried to not do anything with him, because ii know i would we betraying my cousin. but i was dumb and succumbed to his touching. i decided i was just gonna give him and handjob, but then it went from then to him fingering me, so i was like okay that's it not going any further with this. but then he put the condom on, at first i was like i'm not going to do it but then he pulled me on top of him i just let that happen. and then he put his penis inside me. which did kinda hurt at first. was kinda disappointed with the size of his dick, my cousin told me it was big, the called it "top dawg snakey" but my boyfriend had a way better dick(i love it) so yea we there having sex, it wasn't all that, he has this thing where he shakes like its some freaking earthquake and while hes shaking i just make him go deep inside me which did feel good, i must admit that. but i still cant believe i had sex with my cousins crush who has already fingered her. so we basically both got finger fucked by the same guy. i don't know how imma keep this from her. it hasn't been 24 hours yet but its been killing ever since i let him enter me. i just feel like killing myself for doing that, its the worst thing i could have ever done, feels worst than the fact that i cheated on my boyfriend.
my cousin if she finds out i know will definitely stop talking to me probably hate me for the rest of our lives. she would never trust me ever again, she wouldn't love me anymore, i feel awful, like crap for doing something like that after she told me that she liked him and i should like keep my distance and i promised her that i would but i had to break that promise and not just kiss him but have sex with him. if she finds out she will be hurt because she would start to think its because of the sex why he hooked up with me because hes not getting it from her.
just hope that this stays between me and the guy, gonna try to keep a good civil relationship with him so he doesn't go telling her because he got upset at me and wants to get revenge. even if i try to hurt him and get revenge in the future and tell her i would be the one who would get the most hurt outta the two of us because i am related to her, i promised that i wouldn't but did it anyway like not caring about her feelings. sigh
i love her very much and i don't want to lose her over some silly ass guy.




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