z2smith

z2Smith
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2013-01-01 02:20:27 (UTC)

Happy New Year

It’s another end of year and I am still here. I look back at the year and I wonder what you are still doing by my side. You are resilient. Don’t understand it. It is as if you can’t afford to lose me. You just don’t want to let go. No matter what I say to hurt you, what I do to disappoint you, you are not far away to accept me back, forgive me and guide me. It has been a very tough year, a year my limitations were exposed. It was a year I struggled as well….lost 2 close friends, lost a grandmother, nearly lost a mother, father suffering from degenerating illness and marriage in tatters. You wrap yourself in light; I wish sometimes I could touch you. You are a good teacher, through your work in my life you teach me in the way only you can. A lot of the times I don’t get it, I don’t see it. To hear you, I need silence.


I have a question for you. Why? Why do you love me so much? As long as I can remember I have constantly failed you. I would have given up on me. What is it, why can’t you let go. Why do you want to put my life in your hands even though I constantly push you away….I know why…you are training me….you are teaching me….you are equipping me….you are giving me the tools….you have a purpose for me….yes, that is what it is. You want to use me….i don’t know what for but it is clear to me that you want to use me…nothing else makes sense.

You are altogether worthy…I worship you…..please stay with me in 2013


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