LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2012-12-29 21:06:46 (UTC)

Oh, Fuck Titles


December 29, 2012 Saturday 9:07 PM

[I haven't done shit in two days. I have literally been sleeping, playing the ukele, listening to music, and watching skins nonstop.]


"My Hero" by Foo Fighters (The Foo Fighters? Or just Foo Fighters? Waaaat?)


So, I've been sitting here... Watching season 4 of skins (Cook is such an asshole, but a nice asshole. Sometimes) and strumming my ukele absentmindedly thinking about funny things.

Like how you can be friends with a person for years and years only to discover... You never really knew them at all. Take me for example. You can be friends with me for eight years and still not know who I am.

I used to kind of smile to myself. Thinking I knew everyone else's secrets... But they would never know mine. I would never trust them with mine.

I barely trust myself with my secrets, but in that department, I have no choice.

Anyhow, I've discovered in the past year and a half that everyone I thought I knew so well had an entirely separate personality from the one I knew. We all have our secret persons.

Everyone knows my Victoria. Some people know my Veronica. Very few people. Maybe not even people. Maybe just one person. But then there is the nameless one who I really am... That no one knows.

My friends have these as well. I was wrong to misjudge them. I never think people are stupid. In fact, every one I'm friends with are incredibly smart, more than I am. They see the world in a different way and thats what I call intelligence. A separate beauty.

Although I never mistook them for dumb, I did think they were shallower.

Thats why I never told them the real reason why I cut. Thats why I never write it down (almost never, I wrote it down once).

I think they would probably understand, now, but it doesn't matter because I want to keep it to myself and besides... They would probably think I'm weird anyway.

I hate being weird. In some ways, being weird is nice. I guess I just use my weirdness to get through awkward pauses or.. I don't know, something unpleasant, and usually it works. Which is why I do it.

I am naturally strange, I guess.

Ugh, wait, what? I'm not making sense. Bye.


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