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2012-12-26 01:45:23 (UTC)

Someone Else

1:45 AM

"Stay Away From My Friends" by Pierce The Veil

I have just realized many people's perceptions of who I am are completely different from who I really happen to be - That is, the person I see in the mirror every day.

So different, in fact, that this other me has a different name. You know how my name is Veronica? Well, if you didn't know that, Veronica is my name.

Well, I guess this person that they think they know is named Victoria. I really don't mind when people call me Victoria. I let them. My friends act like it is a big deal, correcting them and stuff but honestly, I think Victoria is a better name than Veronica - it just doesn't suit me.

Victoria has long black hair with a couple blonde streaks in it, and black eyes, she's a little short, she's average build or what she (and everyone else) calls fat. Sometimes, you hear Victoria laugh. In school, she laughs a lot. Victoria has friends. Victoria has friends named Gillian, Aaron, Lily, and Marina as well as a few others on the side.

Victoria has no love interests, though she had this really good friend named Eric over the summer, but he lived in Pennsylvania. He was still very nice but they faded from each others lives in September. Victoria has friends who are guys, she is not a completely hopeless case. A lot of people make fun of Victoria for being 'awkward' which just makes her more so. She gets embarrassed easily. She thinks harsh thoughts about people but keeps them inside. Victoria is a very average girl and no one likes or hates Victoria. Victoria simply exists.

Me, on the other hand. I have nothing to do with Victoria, other than the fact that we share a body. I have brown hair. It is very dark, and often mistaken for black. I have a couple blonde streaks in my hair that I sometimes dye different colors just because it's fun and I don't want to commit to dying my whole head. My eyes are dog crap brown. From far away, though, they just look like large black orbs in my head. I have my characteristic glasses. They aren't a part of me, though.

Sometimes, I think I'm very pretty in a way that no one but I see. You know? I just look in the mirror and I like my boobs, the way they lift, and I like my waist, the way it cinches in, and I like my face even.

All the other times, I hate my body. Boobs are too small, not enough waist, too much belly, fat arms, weird face, not enough bones, NOT ENOUGH BONES ARE SHOWING. It's an obsession, but I am obsessed with obsessing over it.

I laugh outside of school, more real than it ever will be in there. I laugh hard and I do things that make me feel alive.

For example, I drink alcohol, I smoke, anything to feel alive. Anything so I can make sure I did not die, I am not a ghost. Right?
I'm not awkward. At all. I am totally willing to ask anything and do anything. But are you willing to accept it? People hate me. People love me. People do not acknowledge me.

Everyone is my love interest. I could have a make out session with anyone. Any girl and any boy. Eric was definitely not a love interest. We both agreed from the beginning that since we lived a few cities away from each other, we weren't going to get attached.

I don't get embarrassed. Want me half naked in front of you? Not for sex, but sure. I'm fine with that. But I'm warning you, I am not a pretty sight.

I am very afraid of spiders, but at the same time... I feel like a spider. Alone and beautiful, but I am not alone and I am not beautiful..

I am just a lie.

I am Victoria and I am Veronica.

I am a misperception.

I'm nothing.

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