LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
2012-12-22 14:48:13 (UTC)

Indecisive

2:48 PM

"To Be Alone With You" by Sufjan Stevens

I could do it if I tried. I could.

But on one hand, I don't want to just kill myself in spite of people. I don't want to die because I'm bitter. And besides, someone once told me if I felt like killing myself I should hold out another couple months and if I still feel like killing myself, thats what I should do. As long as I am sure that the future won't be better.

Of course, I can't be sure. I just really want January 10 to come right now.

I've been checking my phone obsessively, but just like every Saturday, it's fully charged with no messages.

I guess I'll go cut some more now. I'm bored.

I bought my poor wrists some time by drawing a leopard/girl hybrid. I'm pretty proud with how it turned out.

But now I am done, I have a headache, and well. I figure, why not cut? Earlier, I was just cutting with my normal single blade, but I got frustrated with how little blood was flowing even though I was pressing as hard as I could, so I whipped out my trust razor and put a lot of pressure on it, then I slid.

Blah blah, the biting pain, I think my favorite part of cutting is seeing the blood. The pain is a nice distraction, as well.

Okay, I'm done. Sorry.

Once upon a time there was a girl and she hated herself and the life she lived. She didn't even try to change, just tried to survive. I don't know what happened to her, and I don't really care.

Yay. There kids, that's your bedtime story. Never mind that it's not even nighttime yet, whatever.

Adios.


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