Experienced Life
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2012-12-21 17:21:28 (UTC)

What have I become?

I think back at the drama in my past. Of course, this is mostly from my ex. I remember the first time shit used to happen and I was a mess at work. My friends had to carry my weight around for two months. One small fortunate thing was that we were working without a boss. Our previous boss got promoted so we were left alone pretty much for about 6 months.

Our work was techie stuff so most managers were afraid to come to us because they didn't have clue on the work we were doing and wouldn't dare look stupid by coming to us and asking us something.

Anyway, back to what I was recalling. When the drama with my ex started, I could not function at all. I did nothing in my cubicle but stare at my computer for two months. No kidding! My friends would tell me to just go home and they'd take care of me.

Now here I am. I still get drama from time-to-time but I've developed enough skill to be able to function pretty much almost 100 percent. Just the other day, my ex did her normal stupid stunts. I had no problem whatsoever with doing my work. I stopped and thought about it. I have become so used to this. In fact, I'm feeling bored when it happens because I'm immune to it now.

What the hell did I become? Is this a good thing? When it's time to care or feel for someone that I've grown attached to, will I just shrug things off when I shouldn't? Did I turn into an asshole that don't give a shit in life anymore? I don't even know myself anymore.

Don't get me wrong. I go to parties and mix it up with my friends. I communicate, respect and care for my friends but I now have a part of me that is so numb perhaps? I don't know.

Well, it's almost Christmas. Not much to hope for. I got the man toys that I want myself so I've fulfilled my own Christmas wish. I got me the newest IPad accessories. Love my new toy.

That's all for now diary. Sex life still sucks. lol