December 20, 2012 Thu 9:32 PM
[Endish of the world tomorrow. Why is everyone telling me there is going to be a shooting at my school tomorrow? Haha. Doubt it, fuckers. If there was... Well, I don't think it would matter if I got shot. Not to me, anyhow.]
"The Day I Left The Womb" by Escape The Fate
If you read this whole thing, send me feedback and I will give you a totally special message that I have yet to conjure up.
My cousin Daxton, the one who almost moved in with us. So, let me take you to the front of my thought train and tell you.. all that I was thinking. So just.. run along if you don't want to read my ramblings.
I was thinking about how much I love the beach. I never mentioned this, but the beach is my favorite place in the entire world, preferably by the Pacific Ocean... In Santa Cruz, California.
I don't like those dumb touristy beaches like Jersey Shore was, I like the vacant ones. You know? Though the specific beach in Santa Cruz that I am speaking of was by a beachside amusement park, which is why I loved it so much. A little outside Santa Cruz was a small beach area with some people, and that was nice, too.
(Our family mostly lives on the other side of the country, so thats why we always go to California, and why I used to live there)
Anyway, I started thinking of Daxton because me and him would body surf in the waves in Santa Cruz and it was really fun. Even though he can be INCREDIBLY annoying for someone my age, (he acts like hes nine.) I still kind of love him.
I kind of wish he moved in with us. I'm really lonely here, without my sister and without any reliable means of keeping myself out of... trouble, I suppose. Drinking. Smoking. The works. But since all his older siblings attempted to kill themselves, if he ever found out I cut and stuff, he'd probably tell my parents.
Sometimes, I feel like he acts like he's happy but... He's not. Could be me, just trying to find a sadness in someone else.
I was imagining him living in our home. My uncle didn't want him living with us because he doesn't trust my dad, who is a democrat and eco-friendly dude, while my uncle is totally obsessed with republican-ism. If only they could put their fucking differences aside. But dad ruined it (by accident, of course) by letting Dax see "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer" even though it was rated R and Daxton's super-conservative family was really angry about that.
Just as a note, that movie had great effects, horrible historical fucks ups and in general, it was just fucking weird and I don't even know if it counts as a good movie, but hey... I liked it.
I fell asleep during the movie "Lincoln" though, so maybe I'm just not really interested in plausible historical fiction. That would explain why I have an eighty in Social Studies.
(PS: There is a movie called "Abraham Lincoln: Zombie Killer" that ripped of the vampire slayer one. I've never seen it, but zombies are way better than vampires, so whatever.)
I got off topic. Wow, sorry.
If Daxton lived with us, I would have to teach him some self control. If he went blabbing about all the intellectual, political conversations me, Caroline, my mother, and my dad have ALL THE TIME, he might be taken away and shipped to Uncle John's (who is, admittedly, more well-prepared to raise Daxton than we are, but I turned out okay..... right?)
Believe it or not, I have self-control. I can control my anger (in public) and other emotions. I keep myself in check. And also, I am not addicted to anything. Nothing. Not cutting, even. I can stop when I please. I do that sometimes, when I don't feel like doing it or the scabs are bothering me. I just stop for a couple weeks, or however long they take to heal. But what's the fun in quitting altogether?
Scars are annoying, though.
I'm dreading having to ask my parents to write me a note, passing up swimming in P.E.
Okay, well adios.