All that is
Ad 2:
2012-12-15 16:31:02 (UTC)

I'm shy around him - the way..

I'm shy around him - the way he holds my gaze. He exudes a naiive happiness and calm that's so alluring.

Something had to get my mind off Dvy sooner or later. It's strange that a week ago I would have given anything for a text message from davy or something. now, i'm not that fussed anymore. Someone else has taken hold. that's usually the way isn't it, with me. I think it's also a mixture of me being sick this week just gone and then the fact that xmas is impending and I'm still not sure how I feel about it. this time of year always leaves me feeling ambivalent and lost. I'm not sure why. You're forced in a way, to go and spend time with those that are your 'family', whether you like them or not. for 50 other weeks of the year you manage to avoid such thoughts, but then the weeks leading up to xmas, you ask questions that you're not sure you know the answers to or don't really like the answers to.

I'll start with Monday 10th December.

Eventful because I had my work xmas party. I hadn't been looking forward to it so much, other than the possibility of seeing Drk, and adm. but even then Id gotten strange vibes from drk whenever id seen him everyother time months and weeks beforehand, that i wasn't really expecting any kind of interaction. Adam too, I think. the vibes? I felt like they (when I say they i mean the 5th floor team) all shared an opinion of me, even if I'd never dealt with any of them directly or extensively, but due to last xmas party's 'events' - where apparently Mullen and I kissed, they've concluded i'm 'trouble' or low or something. Needless to say, mullen and i never kissed. ...not sure why i say 'needless to say' but we may have danced very closely, he whispered a few things to me closely as it was loud, but that was it - I don't know where the rumour came from or who started it. it came as news to me as well because apparently it was being talked about by those on the 5th floor.
So vibes aside, here's what happened.

The table situation almost killed me. I didn't imagine i'd get a table with any of those mentioned above, but I had asked paul to save me a seat.