maf1995

Thoughts from my head
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2012-12-14 23:28:24 (UTC)

Bummed

Today is December 14th, It is my first time writing so I hope I don't mess up too much. As I said, it's December and we are 11 days away from Christmas. It is a time usually filled with joy and happiness but I can't help but feel totally and utterly bummed. Today, 28 (as of right now)people have been shot at a grade school, 20 or so of them were children between the ages of 5 and 10. As much as I want to, I cant stop thinking about the unopened presents their parents had gotten for them, they will never be opened and the joy will be replaced with sorrow and mourning. I personally, have strep throat and feel like total butt. As of right now, I am at a personal crossroads. I'm at a point in my life as a senior in high school where I need to start making major life decisions and I am just not ready. I see myself as a renascence man and have many passions. I love music, I eat, breathe, and sleep it. I love listening, playing, recording and making it. I love it more than anything and I hope to make a career out of it. I am faced with whether or not me and my family will be able to pay for my dream school or not and whether or not its worth it. I am under such immense pressure trying to decide on my future. I feel like I am financially doomed no matter what I chose to do, whether it is Graphic Design, Music, or Photography because to make money in any of those fields you have to have something special that people can connect to and I don't know if I have that. I wish it were possible to go and study anything you wanted and learn how to become more than proficient in any one area. While I can wish all I want, nothing will change and I have to face the reality of being 17 going on 18 and make up my mind. I just hope to God that I don't end up like my mom. Miserable with her life. She hates her job, house, financial situation, me at times, and seemingly everything else. I wish that I could fix all of my family's problems so we could all go back to the way things were when I was 8. I am really looking forward to new years eve as I am going on a date into the city with one of the prettiest girls I have ever laid my eyes on. We are going to go to a Brazilian steakhouse and from there we will head to an ice skating rink to take in the fireworks our city puts on every year. Hopefully we sneak that midnight kiss in too. So that is what's on my mind tonight, December 14th, 2012. I'll leave you with my song of the day, Bold as Love By Jimi Hendrix. Peace.


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