Ad 2:
2012-12-11 20:25:48 (UTC)


8:25 PM

So people make nasty comments, and I got a couple nasty comments directed towards me which totally fucked up the rest of my day. I was just moping around, feeling sorry for myself when Lily came over on the verge of tears at around five and the moment she got to my room, she started talking which led to crying.

She almost never cries.

Anyway, that was when I realized I have to suck it the fuck up because some people have worse problems than I do. I need to stop thinking about me and being selfish, if only for a little while.

You know something that sucks about this diary? I'm not allowed to say I want to not exist. I don't want to kill myself - I just want to not exist, and I can't say it because people will either ignore me and be like, "Oh no, not this crap again" or they will message me saying something and I will reply stupidly and they will think, "Oh, I thought she was cool. Guess not."

Story of my life :( Ahh, self hate. It's amazing and so very special (I hope you sensed the sarcasm here).

Anyway, she was crying and telling me what happened with her stupid dad and his stupid idea to cut her off from the world (which will only lead to ultimately her suicide) when I almost felt like laughing and I have no idea why because the situation was not at all funny. So, instead I cried with her a bit but I couldn't help laughing at my own little cheesy jokes. I can't remember what they were, but in short, my jokes are so bad.

"A panda walked into a bar. He ate the bartenders sandwich, shot the waitress, and then started to leave. The bartender goes, 'Hey! Where are you going?? You shoot my waitress, eat my sandwich, and now you're just gonna leave?' And the panda said, 'I'm a panda. Look it up.' So the bartender looks up the word panda in the dictionary. It says, EATS SHOOTS AND LEAVES."

Haha. Get it? 'Cause he shot the waitress... and you know.. Pandas... Okay, I'm done. Sorry, I'm awful and weird and yeah.

Her dad I guess noticed something was totally wrong in her head (and on her arms...cause cuts.... yeah, ok) so he tried to talk to her (he tends to talk DOWN to her) and then he told her if she didn't tell him what was going on, he was going to

shut her off from the world tomorrow. Meaning, no phone, internet, friends, nothing.

She didn't tell him that was the only thing keeping her alive.

That was probably why Lily was so quiet on the bus. She told me she thought he saw her cuts last night and he probably did. So she didn't want to face him.

So today actually wasn't about me. Thank god. I'm tired of me, haha.

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