LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
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2012-12-11 15:58:16 (UTC)

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Dec. 11, 2012 Tuesday 3:58 PM

"Absolutely" by Nine Days


Things I Am Scared Of: Unintentionally hurting people

Why is it okay for me to feel like this? It's not fair to other people. I should stop. I want to stop, maybe, possibly, no actually, I don't. Do I?

I don't want this. I want to get up and feel energetic, and I wish all of my friends were happy. It's true that if they were happier, I would probably be happier. I don't blame them, though. If anything, I blame myself.


And the worst part is I have no where to turn, because every way out is an unfair way out. I can't kill myself. Not only do I lack a legitimate reason, but its just horrible repayment for all the things done for me. I can't cut myself - again, horrible repayment. Who wants that?

I can't talk to people, because telling them makes them sad and worry. So, what, should I just keep this to myself?... Actually, I think I might do that... I'm so weak... Always telling people how I am... What's going on...

I shouldn't do this. This makes them start falling, too, and I just drag them down.

I'm probably not going to stop but I won't tell anyone.

Last night, I took a picture of my wrist. I had dragged the blood and used it to draw a flower. There was random blood seeping from fresh cuts and stuff. I left Spotify and the picture open and went to sleep.

At around midnight, someone came into my room and closed spotify as well as the window with the picture in it. I don't know if it was my mom and dad.

I talked to both of them today, and it didn't seem like either of them saw.


Bye, now. Forget it.


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