2012-12-07 21:23:12 (UTC)


"Crazy" by Gnarles Barkley

I was at Lily's. Suddenly, I am not. I remember running. Now, I am in my house. I remember leaving because I was being too obvious, not good at hiding IT. They could tell something was wrong....

How was I so lonely when I was surrounded by three other people? Avery, Marina, and Lily. I started to hyperventilate. I lied and said my mom was here to pick me up, and then I ran.

I wanted to cut so bad. I didn't want to go home, I was scared to be alone, but I didn't want to be with THEM.

I'm alone. I know there are people out there in other states who are trying to assure me, I am NOT alone, but when it comes to it (I am so sorry) I am alone. I am by myself. There is no one here to keep me from doing what I want. Or from doing what I think I want.

I have no way to light the cigarette, so no smoking, even.

This is not a fairy tale. No one is going to rescue me except myself and I can't, I can't. I was on the verge of tears, and I even cried a bit when no one was looking. asdfghjkl.

My brain was tricking me into thinking I wanted to kill myself. It took my depressed thoughts, my bored thoughts, put two and two together, and got KILL YOURSELF. YOU WANT TO. I can't tell if I want to or not. I can't tell if I know what I want or not.

It's selfish to kill myself, and honestly, no one would even care that much, so I'm not going to do it anyway.

I will only ever do it if everything becomes too much and I will make it clear if everything becomes too much.

So, here I am. At home, by myself. I tried texting my friends to keep me from cutting, but no one's answering, that's fine. I'll have to find something else to do... I think I'm going to sleep.

I'm fat. Not even my shadow is skinny. I'm ugly. I can't talk to people. Lol, wtf. Why am I a combination of horrible people and hideous people?


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