Friday 11:21 AM December 7, 2012
You sit there
waiting on some
beautiful boy to
"When You Were Young" by The Killers
So, being in the shit mood I am, I missed school easily.
I slept until ten and the lied in bed until eleven fifteen, weaving in and out of dreams, forcing my dream body to do what I wanted it to. Oh, I guess I was lucid dreaming. Cool.
I am not addicted to cutting and I don't think cutting is wrong, which I think is weird. I just think it is a nice way to quench bloodlust or the release deadly emotions.
I don't think I am addicted. Sometimes, randomly I can go two weeks without cutting and then I cut a lot and I can't stop because I don't want to let it heal. I think I could probably stop if I wanted to, I think.
But I don't want to stop.
If I stop, everything falls apart, right? I don't know.
While I have nothing to save me but myself, I will cut myself which does almost enough.
I had a dream. I opened my cigarette box and there was fifty or more cigarettes in there instead of one. I started smoking them all.