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2012-12-06 20:36:19 (UTC)


8:36 PM

"Black Balloon" the Goo Goo Dolls

I really just want to run to someone's house and cry on their shoulder, preferable Gillian because somehow she makes me feel sane. I read her diary, now, but I don't think she reads mine, and I guess she cuts which made me sad, and made me wonder why she does it. And then I feel like maybe its my fault.

Things are always my fault.

Today was strange. When I came home, I went straight to bed and stopped talking to people until about six, but I spent the hour before six with my razor. I ended up cutting my stomach and thighs so bad, I moved onto my left wrist. Actually, the area between lower and upper arms, the really sensitive part. I cut over that, below it, and on it. I also have been trying to bruise myself. I only took five pills.

I want........................

Nevermind. But I am not going to school tomorrow and I am not getting out of this bed.

I'm afraid to tell Lily anything, because what if she decides it stresses her out so she takes more pills? I don't want to tell Marina. I have a feeling she'd either give me one of those horrible sympathy looks or she would change the subject to Avery, her boyfriend.

I don't want to tell Gillian but I also want to, because I feel like somehow, she would make it all go away. Probably not, though, right?

And I don't want to tell Aaron. I dunno. I don't like talking about cutting, lol.

I made a new diary friend, guys. She's cool and she cuts, too. Thats not why we're friends, haha... Actually it kind of is, but, ah.

I'm sorry today wasn't interesting. You would've loved it if you saw the blood dripping from my legs and stomach and wrist.

You're such a fat ass, Veronica. Stop eating so much.

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