Aaron gave me a letter, Gillian provided information, and Lily gave me a cigarette.
I feel like a detective. I won't smoke it, now. I'm saving it for when I'll really need it, which will most likely be this weekend.
I'm so fat. So much fat. So gross. God.
Anyway, Aaron's letter told me stuff like I'm pretty and she cuts when she's angry. First one's wrong, but I can completely relate to the second.
Most of the time, I can't remember how I felt when cutting myself, lol. I guess I'm probably... sad, alone, self-esteem hitting rock bottom and then somehow going PAST that, pretty much to the center of the Earth where it'll be melted and then this planet will explode and pieces of my self-esteem will be blown to the far reaches of the galaxy, never to be reunited, and if I'm not already dead, I'll fucking kill myself, haha.
I was happy last night. I think. I can't remember.... Wow.
Gillian also told me my Algebra teacher has been e-mailing a parent about his or her son or daughter, I'm pretty sure daughter, who "continues to cut herself..."
Me: Cut herself /more slack/?
Gillian: I.. no. I can't remember what it said, but it was definitely about cutting.
Me: I wanna find this person!!!
Gillian: Me too! Haha! So, should we?....
Our convo continued, but way off topic.
I'm almost positive it's not me, but I still want to help whoever it was about.
Sometimes I feel like I walk backwards and so I think I'm moving forward, but really I'm like.. walking towards a cliff or something and I don't realize till I'm falling.
Fucked up, huh?
I should go get some work done now.
Sorry to those I e-mail! i won't be able to talk until Thursday. Urgg. See you guys later, and thanks for caring!