LustingforNightmares

tumbleweed
2012-12-03 15:41:50 (UTC)

Ruined


Dec. 3 2012 Monday 3:42 PM


Today was another great day. I woke up early and slipped on a nice pair of jeans, an ugly sweater that was somehow cute (don't ask me), my black converse, and then I did my makeup. Not a lot, just mascara and a little eyeshadow.

I headed to school feeling fine. All my classes were easy to get through, nothing was very hard. Science was my favorite. I share the class with Aid, Laney, Gillian, and a girl named Sydney, who tends to steal things.

Plus, Marina is in that class. We were all laughing, like every science class, only this time I was well aware I was feeling happiness.

People are so nice and caring. I hate some of them and what they do, but a lot are just so genuinely amazing, its hard to think about hurting them.

I've had a strange craving for tacos all day so I think me and my momma<3 are gonna go t Moe's.

But anyhow, one thing that ruined my mood was Aaron. Not because she was mean.... She was completely silent.

A couple teachers even asked her about it (funny how they never noticed when I was sad, lol) and she said she was fine.

But when I and anyone else tried talking to her, she was silent and eventually, she'd get aggravated and walk away... Aaron wouldn't even look us in the eye.

Me and Gillian were worried. I find it's easier to talk to her when I'm happy. :)

But anyhow, Gillian asked if she should mention THE PERSON to Alexis. The person is the therapist Gillian told me about, and the one I've been wanting to see.

I said maybe, but I don;t think Aaron's dad would let her go.

I then told Gillian there was a chance I wouldn't be able to see THE PERSON because of appointment times, and Gillian asked if my mom knew.

I said, "My mom knows everything."

Gillian: "EVERYTHING?"

Me: "Well, not EVERYTHING."

Meaning not about the cutting, which I still haven't resolved to stop... but I want to.


I've decided. I WANT to be happy. I want to be scar-free.

Some people don't understand how hard it is, which is why I need a doctor. To get me through the times when I can't control it.

But I still want to be happy. That's an improvement.


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