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2012-11-28 21:52:48 (UTC)


9:52 PM

[Sorry to anyone who gets notifications for my diary. Lol, the third one today.... I have a problem.]

You know, I always talk about how Marina is a really horrible person (and she is) but I don't think I ever told you about the time we were best friends. That was a nice time.

People grow up and grow apart, though.

I still miss her as a friend a lot. We don't really talk or spend time together outside of school (or not even IN school that much), so we don't count as friends.

When we were friends, we listened to the same weird music and liked the same things, same kind of guys, same everything. She was a blonde, blue-eyed version of me. She also used to live down the street.

Me and Marina would sing and dance in the streets, haha. One time, we walked on a frozen lake and I cracked the ice. We fell in and I got her into huge trouble. I felt so guilty, and I started crying. Hate crying in front of people, but she acted like it was totally fine even though she was crying, too.

We used to have so much in common. We'd make macaroni and cheese together (I liked the cheese, she liked the mac) and go to the woods near my house to eat them. Other times, we'd walk to the creek and hang out. I used to let her borrow my clothes. One time, we snuck out at night (I sneak out all the time, but only once with her) and the police caught us.

We ran all the way back to my house.

The main reason I want to be friends with her NOW (yes, as much as I think she sucks, she's genuinely nice to her friends when not backstabbing them, both consciously and unconsciously.) is that I think she'd bring some excitement into my life.

I could really use some crazy adventures.

I regret the day I introduced Marina to Lily. Lily used to hate her. Only, me, being the "peacemaker" made them LIKE each other.

Marina decided I didn't matter and Lily was her new friend.

So, that's mostly why I'm alone these days. Marina was my best friend kind of. Lily was a close friend, but I'd rather let her hang out with Marina.

I don't really feel like competing. Remember? Keep the peace. So, I'm nobody's favorite.

People will miss me if I die, but... I know this is selfish, no one will feel like their very closest friend is gone.

You know?

I am just that girl they were friends with. Nothing special. This doesn't mean I'm going to kill myself.

I wish I meant something, though. I know, again. Selfish. I should stop think so much about myself.

Goodnight, hopefully for the last time today.

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