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2012-11-29 01:59:09 (UTC)

curse or blessing?

Pretty good day. Good day at work. Kept myself busy and had to bring A LOT of work home to finish. Overall still not too bad. Nothing really eventful happened. Took my daughter out for breakfast before taking her to school, went to the gas station to just sit and smoke on my break. Blah blah blah. Need to start eating again. I know that. I've lost 20 pounds in the last 2 months for no reason. I've always skipped breakfast and lunch (I know...tsk tsk) but have at least resorted to having a smoothie or yogurt on some mornings. Don't wanna become bulimic again, and don't even THINK about it, but I feel like I'm starving myself...stupid stupid. But in reality, I'm just not freaking hungry. Control issues? I'm very comfortable with my body and my appearance in general. My only problem is I've always gotten by because of my looks. And no, I'm not trying to be a stuck up snob. I have a genius IQ (again not trying to be a snob...think what you want) and I would rather people know that then think I'm some bimbo valley girl snob. People assume (except my close friends and family) I've gotten by because of looks, but I've worked my tush off and excelled because I've always given it my all. I hate the assumption. I still graduated college with 2 degrees at once as part of the international honors society by the age of 19 and because of the bone disease I have, I did it in the process of having 3 hip replacements by the time I was 20. So....I'm just saying this because one of my co-workers made the comment to me (not in a hateful way but resentful) that it must help that I've got brains along with beauty. Kinda flattered and offended me at the same time. My daughter also is EXTREMELY smart. She's in Kindergarten and is reading on a 4th grade level, but she is also EXTREMELY beautiful. I'm not just saying that because she is my child. Every single person that I know tries to push me to put her in pageants and modeling. Personally, I don't want my freakin' 5 year old wearing makeup first of all and secondly, she's 5 for God's sake. I don't want her to be pushed to grow up. I don't want her to feel like I do, and be looked at like her looks are the only thing that matters. It really bothers me. My husband is AMAZINGLY gorgeous and gets lots of attention because of his looks also, and I don't want that stigma placed on my family. We are good people and would do anything for anyone. I mean, we let a friend who lost his job live in our house for a year for free. That included every meal, spending money, all of his bills...everything. No one knows that because they would think we were fools and he was taken advantage of us, but he has had a hard life and is a great person and just needed to get on track and now he has a beautiful wife, a good job, and is doing great. Okay, I got that off my chest and really just want to get the message out in a non-negative way to not judge people by looks whether they be good or bad looks. People can be very naive about it. I hope this helps change someone's opinion about someone they're judging at the moment. Good night all. Sweet dreams. :)