Ember

The Opposite of Living
2012-11-28 13:12:30 (UTC)

Rambling

Sorry it's been so long. Busy week, I suppose. Hm. Interesting weekend though. I got to see my cousin... And then convince her not to kill herself. The next day, she sat on me in a chair and force fed me. But I wasn't even hungry! I had plenty of reason for it, I'd already eaten a BLT, sushi, and some casserole that day. Forcing me to eat her soup was a little overboard...
But on the subject of my appetite... Could I be becoming bulimic? I don't want to think too hard about that, but last night, I was trying to do some sit-ups (I'm trying to get myself into some form of exercise regimine to get rid of those extra 10 lbs or so) and I felt too full. Earlier I'd eaten half a turkey sandwich and some stuffing, but that was only because I'd needed to keep myself awake so I could finish the old Doctor Who movie I had, so I'd eaten unnecessarily. It's understandable that I felt too full. But is it so reasonable that when I went to take a shower, I puked? And then went back to do more sit-ups afterwards.
But I don't think I have an eating disorder. A lot more goes into it than not wanting to eat when you aren't hungry and puking once because you're trying to do some exercise... Right? I don't know... I haven't done any form of research on bulimia, because I never thought it would affect me, but now I'm getting worried. But... I get to talk to my therapist today, so maybe I should tell her about it. Is it really that serious though?
Um... My cuts are doing somewhat better, partially because a good friend of mine saw them and said "I know what you're going through, but I hate seeing those on you." I now have written on my leg in red ink "DON'T CUT". Let's see how long that lasts.
I've been exhausted lately. I can't seem to get a decent nights sleep. And I'm gonna be busy all of this week. Today with the counselor, tomorrow with rehearsal, and Friday with state Trumbauer (an acting competition). I'm not sure what I'm dreading worse... I seriously doubt we're going to win, because I'm not as good of an actor as the other two in the one-act we're presenting, and tomorrow is the only rehearsal we've had since we won district Trumbauer. I haven't had any time to work on my physicality and whatnot, and I don't think there's a whole lot we can do in one day of rehearsal.
I suppose that's all, or at least all I'm willing to put in here. Bye for now.




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