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2012-11-27 23:49:01 (UTC)

Day 1 of my new journal

So Geoff, my shrink said I should start a personal journal for my eyes only. Everyday I'm supposed to write. So, my day. I was taking Mina to school, happened upon an old CD, popped it in and Everytime by Britney Spears was playing. This is the song that I relate to Michael's death. It hit me hard. I started crying in the car with Mina because I couldnt stop my emotions. I just keep seeing his poor face so disfigured from the wreck. I know I'm traumatized by it and try to block it out but sometimes it doesn't work. Then I start thinking of baby Dawson and the pain he went through when he drowned. Just can't handle death. Gonna have to bring this up with my shrink. I really can't talk to Jeffery about it (Michael) because he'll think I was in love with him or something crazy like that. He was such a good friend and a wonderful person that it breaks my heart that someone so good can die such a horrible death. Thought about it all day at work. I'd love to talk to his Mom or Emily but don[t have the nerve. I explained to Mina about his death and she wants to come with me to put flowers on his grave. I really need to hit up Mark and Dawson's grave too, but don't know if emotionally I can handle it. It feels better to write about it cause I hold all of it in. I have no one to talk to that can really understand it. I know people that have dealt with death, but we all deal with it differently. I know tomorrow will be a better day. My medicine is a miracle and has really gotten me out of my funk, but sometimes we all just have crazy whacked out days. I love my family more than anything and just can't imagine something happening to them. Gotta live in the moment and make it work.