The Bitter End

Melancholy Happiness
2012-11-26 11:47:25 (UTC)

Lost.

I'm so confused right now. My brain is a lightning storm of emotions with flashes of each kind within any given moment.

I like Hannah. I really, really like her. She's the only person I don't have to lie to, or try to be fake around. I think she likes me a lot too. Idk if she really means it, I hope she isnt dating me so I don't feel bad or something. She had thought about breaking up, wish I knew why. I'm confused on where we stand, but I know I'm falling really hard and really fast which is.... Good and Bad.

I have so much school work to do tomorrow. 3 weeks worth in one day .-. I'm terrified. Since my teacher doesn't check it all I'm going to fake a lot of it. I'm scared.

I've been cutting more and more lately.... I've passed the 100 mark in less than a month :/ I carved the word "fat" into my thigh. I should lose some weight, being 6'0 and weighing 230-250lbs isn't normal.

I layed on the railroad tracks Saturday, it felt nice. Just need a pack of cigs to top it all of and I'd have a nice night in march. Been having fairly good days though. Surprising, I haven't had a good weekend in ages. Oh well I need to sleep.

There's so much more I want to say, but I can't find the words. I don't know. Story of my life. I know 3 things for sure though
1. People are crazy
2. Scotch is great
3. And I like my girlfriend.

I need to get more scotch. I ran out 2 weeks ago.




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