ideadangel23

Fallen from Grace
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Ezoic
2012-11-18 23:06:12 (UTC)

Hopeful and faithless

Tomorrow I have an appointment in Orlando for a clinical study screening. I hope I get in. I have 2 main reasons I want in… One is I want money for my probation officer. The other is it’s a way to get me free help. It’s a study for people with depression. I am very over whelmed and I just want the sadness to go away. I miss being me. I have no real faith left inside. I hope my hopes are not getting up in vain. I know things are not they seem to be. I only know one thing; All I want and need is within reach I’m just to depressed to close my hand around it. I’m lying here on the floor as the fans blows across me. I feel the chill on my face cooling from within refreshing me. My face is hot and flushed. I can feel my alter ego rising to the surface. I cannot believe this guy on Facebook straight went ham on me. I asked a group if anyone has any odds jobs. This guy told me I was “begging” for a hand out. I’m mad enough to scream and in the same breath sad enough I cry myself to sleep a lot. I am tired of the empty promises and broken dreams. I am tired of doing things im not proud of with hopes that it pays off… All I want is a job… The guy that went off on me doesn’t get it. He has had his job 22 years. So how you can you tell me get a job bum. What the fuck. I’m doing all I can minus robbing people. Its very discouraging day in - day out filling out all these applications and nothing. No calls from niteflirt has me depressed. I hope things look up but there is no job openings. Usually nothing bothers me but I have been to stressed to enjoy the day.


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