John Doe

Chronicles of a Drifter
2012-10-20 21:18:25 (UTC)

Entry 126

Well, I'm writing this on my iPad from school. Today's just a shitty ass day. I'll take my day through chronologically. I woke up bright and early and 8 o clock. I was pretty tired. But nevertheless, I need the money so I just went ahead and got up. I didn't speak to my mom because we got into a falling out yesterday over Yasmin. She was angry tame because I kept calling Yasmin a whore and kept screaming "fuck Yasmin " whenever I wanted. She got so angry. She only likes her because Yasmin doesn't like grandma and both of them gather up to talk shit about her. I know and understand that grandma might not have been the best person back in the day. Mom has grudges against her. Bt that's not how you handle them. Mm says that grandma would turn my dad against her and blah blah blah. I believe that, but now I see that grandma has changed. She's not some bitter old tramp that's out to get her anymore. She changed. She's kinder to us, because we're her family. Se brings us things. She would help my mom sell cactus. She would always greet her nicely. I guess my mom had pent up rage against her and then made it al up in her head that my grandma was trying to sabotage her marriage. It's bullshit. Grandma wouldn't do that. I know her enough. And I know her now. She didn't do that. My mom made everything up in her stupid little mind. My mom will always talk a bunch of shit and make things up to try and turn me against my grandma. Too bad, it doesn't work. I'm smart enough to figure it out and go against her.and I just played her game back now. Just like how she loves to call my grandma ugly names and I don't say anything. I decided to take out my rage on her friend. I called Yasmin a whore. A prostitute. I said she got what she deserves. I said, I don't want that city whore in my house. My mom got really angry with me and she started to tell me stuff. She was like, she does more than you and shut up before I go and slap you. Like really? Then don't ask me to take out the trash. Don't ask me to go and put the dogs in. Don't ask me to take the dogs out. Don't ask me to help you on the groceries,for go get water, or help you throw rocks in the neighbors dumpster. I guess you forget everything that I do in the motherfucking house. Maybe if I stop doing them, you will remember. Anyway, that was a tangent. I worked on one job and my dad discussed why I got in trouble. He was on my side. Checkmate. He agrees with everything that I think. Even about how Yasmin is only moms friend because of their common dislike of my grandma. After that one job, I went to grandmas house and ate. It was nice. I like staying at her house. I has this nice serene feel. Just sitting and looking around that little apartment in the middle of the ghetto neighborhood. She has rosaries and candles and all these religious things around that make me feel so safe and cozy.it feels like home there. She's also such a great cook. She made this beef soup. Yum. I thought it would be nasty button was pretty good. Ad she made buttered shrimp. And she made me two quesadillas. She even brought me a snickers ice cream. We walked puffy and then talked about Yasmin and why my mom hates her. I didn't say much. I didn't really want to. I don't have the heart to let her know and I don't want to be the one who opened his mouth. My dad told me that my grandma had called him yesterday and told him that if anything ever happened to her he needs to go to her house and get her jewels and money. I think that she must have been having some body aches or something that makes her think that her day is coming soon. I hope not. She's still so young. She is sort for traumatized about my great grandpa. She's scared she will lose her mind just like he did. Wich makes sense since it sort of is hereditary. I will lose my mind one day too. Or day soon. Before I know it. And I better make sure that I remember to come to this website to make sure that I remember. My life. Instead of coming home, I went to the gym. I worked out for about an hour and a half. I couldn't though. Y legs were so sore and my arms were too. My heart beat was killing me. I felt awful. I felt exhausted. I came home and I hung out with Matthew. He told me that Juanito and him watch porn together today. Well it was bound to happen. Juanito is getting to that age. What age did I begin to watch porn? I started to watch it when I was in.....6th grade. The first times ever did was in third grade. My friends corrupted me and gave me links to sites for those. I bet same happened to Juan too. Well actually no! I watched it in fifth grade. I actually stumbled upon a video of some chick sucking dick wheni was in fifth grade in the am while searching for Naruto videos. Hahahaha. Funny. I started to talk to brawlio and Cynthia again. Brawlio sort of disturbed me with a song. It was called dancing with the devil. It talked about some kid that wanted to be a big bad tough gangster boy and then ended up beating and raping his own mom. She had a shirt covering her head so he didn't know it was her. But wow...how fucked up is that? It brought chills to my spine and made me feel all disturbed and twisted inside. It killed my day actually. He said it was a real story but actually tot wasn't. But he's right though. It happens everyday somewhere. To someone. I hate rapists.... I really do . If I ever come across one and he dares try to rape me I will show him a world of pent up hate. Fucking sick fuckers. Wy can't guys keep it in their pants? Well yeah, they left and that was that. Yasmin tried to say hi to me but I ignore deter. Even when she said goodbye to me. I do feel guilty. Does Yasmin deserve that treatment from me? He would I feel if it was me? Horrible. But you know...I'm not lashing out against Yasmin. I'm lashing out against my mom. My mom told her Alcoa the things that I said about her. I'm glad. Now Yasmin knows. I. Don't. Like. You. Go away. I guess the final thing that il talk about sis that I made myrother go through a mega guilt trip right now. I kept calling him a bad kid and a fuck tart because he ordered two things off my dads credit card that both cost 6 or 7 dollars and it amounted to 36 with the shipping and everything. He doesn't know that we are in financial crisis right now. He does now though after how much I went off on him. I still ordered it though to teach him a lesson. It's on his conscience now. I do feel bad about being so hard on him ....I always feel guilty. But I can't let myself think that way. Ie got to be tough. He won't be doing that again. I knew he was taking it hard because he was sitting silently on the computer chair just staring into space. Poor kid. His eyes got red. But he will learn now. Being a brat affects everyone. I don't ask for much. You shouldn't either. Nw my day is over. I miserable. I feel guilty. And all these emotions are going through my head. I miss Jason. I smiled at him while walking to get robin at her locker after p.e yesterday. And then I hit him on the head with my iPad case after school when he was going to band room to get his instrument....): I still like him.




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