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2012-10-18 10:51:39 (UTC)

What the hell is wrong with me?

Well here I am. I'm finally showing my face again. I've been such a bad person since I've been in college. I've had way too much sex with way too many different people. I've been smoking way too much pot and developed this constant cough. My fish Cosmo died. I've been slacking so much in my school work. I feel like a completely different person. I want to go back to who I used to be. I want to be a smart, intelligent young woman with a bright future. I don't know who I am anymore. I've become a bum. I have no future. I have sex and marijuana. My life has become this vicious cycle of procrastination. I feel so worthless. As I'm writing this, I am in my business calculus class coming off of my wake and bake high and listening to a podcast. I can't concentrate on anything lately. I've been sleeping way too much - I skipped class just to sleep. I feel suicidal. Speaking of which, the president of Tau Kappa Epsilon (TKE) has been suicidal and depressed lately. His name is Rex. I tutor him in business cal, we smoke together, and have sex. I was introduced to him through this guy Adam that likes me. You can see in my previous entry that both have been sexual partners of mine. Adam doesn't know that Rex and I have fooled around. I have no worth anymore. I'm too much of a worthless bitch to try killing myself again though. I learned my lesson the first time. Life just keeps going, whether or not I want it to.