Find Happiness In Misery
2012-10-14 19:52:58 (UTC)

Getting straight and feeling better

People don't know the real me. They don't know the lost me, the upset, angry, alone person I am. They see the lies, and they believe everything is okay. But they couldn't be more wrong. I've always wanted to be the popular girl. The one who gets all the friends and all the boys running after her. To always look perfect. A typical bitch I guess. At first I believed that I was. That I had friends and boys after me. That everyone loved me. But I was wrong. Christmas last year, things changed. People turned on me. I felt so alone. I wouldn't say a word all day. I'd get home from school and lie down for hours, and drift away from the nightmare. It was like it was night all the time, scared of the monsters, that would do anything to kill me.
I started to change. I wasn't Rebecca any more. I was somebody else. Suddenly I was, different. I didn't feel the same. Something just clicked. I started to realize I didn't want to be a bitch. I didn't want to be that person. I want to be different from them. Over week, I wasn't the same. I didn't talk to my friends that I had. I would sit alone in school. At lunch I would hide in the toilet away from everyone. Away from socializing. People would go looking for me.
In class, if there was ever partner work, I wouldn't move. I would ignore everyone. I didn't want to have to explain anything to anyone. People would laugh and stare. The girls I once wished I could be, would bully me. Emo, would be the main name. In class girls would come up to me and ask if I had planed to die tonight. I wouldn't react... But I felt as if I were breaking, that I was broken, damage. I ignored it and didn't tell anyone. I thought I would learn to handle it.
People didn't stop. A boy, one boy, could make me break and fall. And feel as if I was dying, If he'd say anything to me. I won't name the boy. But he made me the worst I'd ever felt. He would tease me. Put his arm around me and laugh, I would push away, and tell him to get off. But he'd carry on. I felt like a joke. I was a joke!
But now, I feel better than ever! And I couldn't be happier