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2012-10-09 03:40:12 (UTC)


Man, I just don't know.
This is the least amount of feelings I've had for him. It fucking sucks. I just want everything to be back to normal, before school started again. Like when we talked on the phone for 5 hours at a time... When I got in trouble for laughing too loud... When I really thought something might happen between us.
Now I know that it's not going to happen. But I dont want to lose him. He is my BEST friend. He knows more about me than anyone. I need him, for when I'm sad and need a smile, when I need advice,when I need a hug... I NEED HIM.

I just feel like empty and sad inside. Like NOTHING is there. It's hard to explain, but its like I'm missing a piece of me. Which is weird because we were NEVER together, and well... Its only been like a week since we talked last time... We've gone way longer..... </3

I wish we had never kissed. It ruined us, like ugh. I thought he like legit had feelings for me, but now, it seems more of lust. Like, looking back, I can kinda see where maybe Mathew was right about him. Saying he was just trying to be able to get "it" from me. That wouldnt ever happen though. But, like bragging to his friends he was my first kiss? Is that necessary? "Oh my bestfriend, Kassid, is BAD" just stuff like that...
Oh well, He's my bestfriend and I miss him a LOT. I dont ever want to loose him.
Without him talking to me, and like pretty much knowing hes not thinking of me just gives me an empty feeling. I always feel empty now. I laugh, but Im never "happy" and I smile, but its just not the same... Im not the same, NOTHING is the same without him. I know hes still here, but like he not with me . emotionally, physically, not even like in my fucked up broken little heart. Hes just gone
*I love you*