Nadia

wet blanket
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2012-10-08 06:39:35 (UTC)

Relapse.

It's been ages since i've written

My computer stopped working.

I broke up with Liam about four weeks ago. I don't know why.

I miss him like crazy. He unfollowed me on both my Tumblr blogs and jut deleted me off Facebook.

I just... I see him so much now it seems, and I have to pretend like I don't even know him.
Okay let me explain.

I thought maybe I had feelings for Tom, I wasn't sure. So I broke up with Liam (Stupidly)
The day I broke up with Liam literally runs through my head everyday. All the things he said are encrusted into my brain.
the text conversation:
Me: We need to talk
Him: about?
Me: I want to talk to you in person
Him: Is it because I'm sad or something more serious like breaking up with me?
Me: I'm sorry :c please just let me see you in person
Him: enoughs been said.
Me: please Liam let me see you after maths
Him: okay.
Oh gosh when I saw him... He was leaning against the pole in front of his maths room, the pole with the drainage pipe on it, I remember because I was left staring at it. He had that blank look he gets sometimes, like when he's thinking. But he looked kind of hurt behind that blank look. I hurt him.
I went for a hug but he shook his head, I said I was sorry and I didn't want him to hurt himself over it.
He said he already had.
That... that basically stabbed me in the chest.
He walked off and said see you around I guess.Then I started crying, pathetically. My walls came falling down all at once and I ran into
Steven, he asked if I was okay
I said no and tried walking off but he followed me and said "I'll message you tonight"
Then I ran to my locker crying.


That day plays in my head most days.
I put someone in enough pain for them to cut themselves, Someone I really cared about.

And I still do care about him, A lot.
But he'll never know, he never speaks to me.
He probably fucking hates me, no wonder, I'm a total fucking bitch.
I'm sorry Liam. You don't know how sorry I am.

There's notes in my diary from him, I look at them occasionally. But they just make me sad.

Fuck I miss him.
That night I cut my arm really deep, they've scarred badly.. I think I will tonight as well.

- Nadia


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